What have I done now?

I wake up on my own, on the floor of the little bathroom, my hoodie also on the floor about a metre away from me. It takes me a moment to figure this out, and why I'm so dehydrated. Vaguely I remember being high, falling over all over the place and somehow getting back to the bus. And the conversation I had with Gabby right before I passed out / fell asleep. Oh. God.



No no no no no no no no nooooo! I did not admit my feelings for a fifteen year old half blood! Sorry, sixteen. Big difference. ARGH. This could be awkward. Like... REALLY awkward. So I decide to sit in the bathroom for a while longer. I don't get my hoodie, I just leave it there. I can't be bothered to move. I feel like I'm being weighed down by something. I glare at the knife strapped to my arm, and unbuckle it, letting it fall to the floor. It lands with a loud thud and I wince. It was a bit too loud for me. I close my eyes, but they only stay closed for a moment, because Gabby hurtles in through the door.

‘What the...?!' she says loudly and I feel my face screw up against the noise.

‘Urgh,' I reply, opening my eyes again. She's looking at the knife on the floor and clutching a hand to her chest.

‘Jeez, Alex. You almost gave me a heart attack!' she exclaims irritably, her breathing laboured.

‘You can't have a heart attack,' I grumble quietly, closing my eyes again.

‘Ugh. Whatever. Don't die.' She says and walks off again, leaving me on the floor.

I guess I fall asleep again, because when I next open my eyes, the little light in here is on and the doorway looks dark. My head is still pounding, my body struggling without enough water in it. I try drinking upside down under the tap again, but it doesn't really work. Again. I stand up, picking up my knife and hoodie and shuffle out of the bathroom, making my way back to my seat next to Gabby.

‘Have you got any water?' I ask as I sit down.

‘No,' she says, ‘I just buy Turkish delight.' With a sigh, I strap my knife back on my arm and stand up again, my head throbbing with the effort.

‘I'll be back in a bit, then.' I tell her, moving slowly up to the front of the bus, pulling my hoodie back on as I walk. I ask Beth quietly if we can stop somewhere and get a drink. She agrees, impatient with me after the amount of times I've been on and off this bus. It takes me a moment to notice that Gabby is standing next to me. Embarrassed by the urge I get to hold her hand, I say nothing and don't look at her, waiting for Beth to stop somewhere I can get some water.

Finally, after what seems like hours, but was only minutes in reality, we stop and Beth declares another pit stop, yelling at us all to go get something to eat and drink. I go straight into the shop, buying the biggest bottle of water I can find. I don't even wait until I'm out of the shop before drinking it all. A whole litre of water, gone in seconds. That can't be good. I go back and buy another two, and some food - more crisps and cookies. Stuff like that.

I drink half of one of the bottles as I put everything in my bag, back on the bus, before I wander off, looking for a human around the back of the little shop, much like I did so long ago, when I'd first met Gabby. I remember then, just how much she had resented me killing the poor guy, but I wonder now if she understands better. I look around and see Gabby hanging back, watching me. I grimace and disappear behind the building, disabling the CCTV cameras and sitting on one of the huge bins, waiting for a human to come out.

Staring intently at the door from the darkest shadows I could find, I hardly notice as Gabby stand beside me. I have my knife in my hand already, but it doesn't seem to bother her; if it does, she's doing a good job of hiding it. She just looks really angry.

‘What are you so pissed off about?' I ask quietly, keeping my voice low so no one else knows we're back here.

‘You,' she says simply. Well, that doesn't really answer my question.

‘What about me?'

‘It doesn't matter. Go eat someone.' Her words only annoy me. I'm really not in the mood for this. I'm hungry, and coming down from my high has depressed me.

What doesn't matter? If it's pissed you off so much, you would think it matters.' I snarl angrily, the hand clutching my knife tightening around the handle for a second.

‘Jeez, calm down. You don't need to get all grouchy at me.' She mutters.

‘You were pissed off at me first, and you still haven't answered my question. Why are you pissed off at me?'

‘I don't even know, okay!? Look, I'll meet you back at the bus. I'm not hungry.' She stalks of and I end up gritting my teeth, staying put. Eventually someone comes out of the building, and before I can give it a second thought, I'm crashing to the floor with them - some old guy with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. Both of these fly out of his grip as we hit the floor. Holding one of his arms down with my knee, I grab the other and open it up with my knife, drinking greedily.

When I'm done, I clean my knife on his shirt and get up, not looking at his body as I walk off. I hate it. I hate what I am, I hate what I do to people. Even Gabby hates me for it; at least I'm guessing that's why she was so annoyed at me.

Unless she meant what I said to her before. I remember vaguely, her replies, telling me I don't mean it because I'm of my face. Except I did mean it. But how am I supposed to tell her that? I sit down in my seat on the bus and get the water out again, rinsing the taste of that guy's blood away, and trying to find something to do to fill the awkward gap. I end up staring at my knife, the serrated edge on one side, the smooth edge on the other and the wicked point it ends in. With a sigh, I slide it back into its sheath and pull my sleeve back down over it.

‘So. Gonna tell me why you're so pissed off yet?' I ask, turning to Gabby.

The End

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