I could hear Bas behind me. Whatever he said it was probably to that girl in front of him. Yet everyword still hit me like a dagger.
Someone mentioned Claude. After that everything zoned out. I needed my fixes. Memorys were begining to run back to me. It wasn't so bad if they did this while I was intoxicated. When I'm intoxicated I don't feel these stupid emotions that hold back humanity. I was sitting in my seat. Silently crying. This again reminded me of so many parts of my life. Like when I first met Claude. I tried to give up drinking and drugs. I was doing well to untill I found out what he was. He told me I might aswell carry on with them. Told me I was worthless. That hurt like nothing else. It was less than my fathers death. In a different way though.
Every realtionship I've broken up. To make people as miserable as I am. Thats what my skrink said. I looked at myself. Aging, cracked , thin to thin from the drug abuse. High Aphordite has her own world. She strong and independant. She can do anything she wants. Like this I'm just Beatrice. Small, pathetic and alone.
I hadn't been this sober for eighteen years. I wished I could just die. Just die like my father. Just die like Claude. That hit me again, I had stabbed Claude. He was still trying to sell me off like the cheap worthless nothing I am. He hit me and I tried to stab him. I did stab him. His blood much much darker than a normal human seeped all over the carpet.
He was definatly dead. I knew it he had no pulse. I also made sure I slept with the one guy I never had gotten. He was unmistakably dead. I went out to book a taxi and went back to the room for my things. He was standing there in a towel having just had a shower. Try that again Bee and I will make sure I disembowl you in front of your very eyes. I will make you eat your heart while you are overridden with the pain of one thousand dead. I ran as far as I could with nothing but my small bag of belongigns. I lighted a joint and got straight on this bus.
Claude had to be killed. He had to somehow that kind of evil shouldn't exist. I shouldn't exist. The only reason I wasn't jumping out of the window to my doom now was the fact I couldn't move.
I could feel people around me get uncomfortable because of what I was resonating around.
I was In no position to do anything. Aphrodite could plan the murder of Claude. She could do it but Beatrice, me, couldn't.
I wondered if Bas could kill Claude. He didn't want me. Nobody wanted me. I could feel Aphrodite hammering away inside my head from the last tints of weed I had. She wasn't even scratching the walls my emotions had built. I needed more drugs I can't be like this. I hate Aphrodite the way she controlls everything. All that comes from her mind is bull. Everyword my father said that night just propells her on worse and worse. I need Aphrodite. I can't stay like this.
Both the faulose ones I could only assume were models were looking at me all of a sudden. I hated to think I was reflecting my pit of hell onto them.