Carrol was a beautiful, amazing woman, it was so sad to hear the news of her death. I recall crying into my pillow. But in a way I felt relieved. No more walking away quickly because of embarrassment. No more watching her longingly from a distance. Nothing hurt more than unrequited love.
And that was something I held deeply for her. She had befriended me my first day here when others scorned me for my sexuality. She had said to me herself,
“It doesn't matter if you like guys or girls, it's who you fall in love with” And she had been so right, I thought she got me, I thought maybe...maybe she felt the same.
But when I leaned in and kissed her she pushed me away. To be fair she broke me gently. She apologised for any misleading she may have done and hoped this wouldn't get in the way of our friendship. She also prayed I'd find someone for me soon.
All I could think that night in my room was I did find her, I didn't want anyone else. I wanted Carrol, and Carrol only.