You are what you eat, you eat what you say, you say what you mean, you mean what you say: the life of the dog is the life of the dog.
Most dogs are born as babies, when they are tiny, helpless, damp, blind, mole-like creatures no larger than a hair scrunchie.
Next they pass into fun, happy, soft, lively bundles of love, yapping and slobbery kisses - and wet patches on your favourite jigsaw puzzle.
All too soon they have sharp teeth, vicious growl, cruel size and fierce nature that questions your right to be master. The dog has transformed into a harsh animal that takes pleasure in wreaking havoc in homes and intimidating small children.
Eventually, if you have not sold or drowned your dog by now, the beast has morphed into a lame, dirty, smelly, toothless, loyal companion that can't even piddle without assistance. This battle-scarred warrior (or should I say feeble old-timer?) costs a lot of money to keep. Why, it even needs its own nursemaid, unless you care to fill that position!