"Max don't..." I trailed off because he'd slammed the door before I even got to the second word.
There was not a thing on this planet that was going to make me stay in his house... except maybe automatically locking doors. Of course. Of course he'd have that installed. Damned high-tech building.
I started sat on the sofa. Maybe I could just wait until he got back and calm him down and talk him out of it. Surely he'd see sense if I just-
Nope. Bad idea. I was on my feet instantly, needing to move to think. What if I called him? Yeah, that could work. Just call him and say that he was overreacting-
Wrong. Whatever was going through his mind, he was not going to consider it an overreaction. He said he was angry, but I was pretty sure that was a rather sizeable understatement.
But what did he want me to do? I mean, when he found Joe. Did he want me to shoot him? Did Max really think I could shoot my ex? Especially when I had loved him so much. It's not like when he left all my feelings for him depleted. Even when I found out the truth... not completely. And even then; even if he tied the guy to a chair and handed me my gun. Really? He knew I couldn't shoot someone. He knew it. What happened the last time I tried? Max had to do it instead. And when was the last time I even loaded the gun? Six months ago, maybe. And it only had three bullets in it.
Arrrgh! Max was supposed to be the fake gang member. Not me. Why couldn't he do it? Hadn't Max even said that I didn't even need to see the gang again? He had, I was sure of it. He said it when I was angry because he told them I was pregnant. Yes, he definitely said I would never have to see them again.
I stopped and slammed my hands against the wall, leaning on it at arm's length with my head hung down. What was I going to do? What if I... what if I saw Joe and realised I still had feelings for him? What then? Would I have to choose between Joe who I wouldn't have traded the world for, and Max who... who... What did I even have on Max? Why did I have to be so messed up? Couldn't I just love one person at once? Unnngh, it was so annoying being so... so female about this!
At that point, my phone began buzzing. Should've expected this - I hadn't called Harriet yet. If I had been angry, I probably would have launched it at the wall. But I wasn't. Although I still needed the obnoxious noise to stop so I simply took the phone apart, laying the casing, the battery, the sim card and the cover in size order on the windowsill. I had no idea where this method came from, and it didn't really work.
I was pressing a path into the soft blue carpet with my pacing, so I moved into the kitchen. Boss was definitely going to fire me as soon as he found out what I'd done, but I didn't really know whether I cared or not. Every mission would just remind me of this. And Harrie did keep saying she needed help at Starbucks.
But RRGH was it frustrating! My mind kept wondering what Max was doing. Something reckless, no doubt. What if he killed Joe? What if he found Joe and just killed him? Never mind me shooting him, I didn't want anyone to shoot him! Or kill him! Jesus Christ, what had I DONE? Suddenly telling Max the truth was a very bad idea.
Again, I considered calling him before remembering that my mobile was now in neatly arranged pieces and there was not a chance I'd have the patience to put it back together.
Did I love Max, really? Yes, I did. The time for admitting that was far gone. But enough to let him kill someone on my behalf? Enough to kill someone for him? Not even snow in hell could make me do that. I rested my head against the fridge. There was no chance I would let Max do this, which meant one hundred percent of the chances rested on me talking him out of it. And I knew for certain that the odds were stacked ten miles high against that.
In the end, I went back into the front room and laid face up on the floor, studying a crack in the otherwise perfect ceiling. Anything - anything - to take my mind off what Max could be doing right now.