He looked over and I must admit I hadn’t quite figured that far ahead. “Umm... are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured, shoving his hands into his pockets and nervously looking around.
I wiped the blood from my mouth and walked over to him, touching my face slightly and wincing. Damn it, why wasn’t I healing? Damn foreign blood. Damn stupid Egyptian witch. “Anything I can do?” He shrugged and I must admit, it was making me annoyed. “Lazarus,” I sighed.
“Mm?” Oh, that made me snap.
"I'm dying here! There's no proper blood here. The only reason I'm here is for you and you can't even speak to me." I tried not to cry, I didn't need more blood to add to this equation.
"Should've asked,” I almost died inside.
"You? You won't kiss me, but you'll let me drink your blood?" That made me shed a tear or two. I was too in shock to say anything else, this was ridiculous.
“It’s not like I‘d miss it,” well, you’d get it all back quickly, but that’s not the point here.
“Did you miss anything with me?” I murmured, I couldn’t even imagine it. Lazarus, actually missing me? With the way he always threw himself into the arms of others I hardly thought so. He nodded and I tilted my head slightly, tears flooding down my face. “Then what are you doing?”
“Not letting you starve, what else would I do?” His questions seemed so cold and I suddenly found myself wishing he changed into Lazarus at a full moon and was always Bane. I couldn’t talk to him, but at least I knew he loved me.
"I dunno, I've been dreaming you'd just walk up to me and hold me close. I don't want your blood, I just want you here. Now."
"I can't just forgive you like that."
I shook my head, "So you're just gonna..." I shook my head again, turning away. If I was gonna keep crying it would not be in front of him. I walked away solemnly. You don't love me. Just tell me.
"Just gonna what?" He sighed in frustration like it was causing him a great deal of effort to be here."Welcome you with open arms after you left me like that?" He still doesn’t get how it felt, and no, he didn’t get it either.
"Go find someone else's bed to crawl into! I know what you're doing..." It made me angry, but it didn't come out that way. I guess I was just tired, but I also didn’t want to fight with him, this was all fighting. He had saved me so many times and I had dragged him from his drunken stupor. This was how it ended.
"I'm only here because Charlie kicked me out of his place," Charlie? Some other person I have no idea about...
"I never slept with anyone else."
"Well done." Sarcasm? He uses SARCASM? Inside me my beast raged, you may think only a werewolf has a beast within them, their wolf, but no. I have one too, we all do, it’s like a shadow, a dark cruel being that would enhance our strength ten-fold should ever we be in danger.
"Don't." I shook slightly, how he could be so cold and heartless I will never know. I took a moment to decide what I should do. I remember these arguments too well, I decided on just calmly slapping him. "You're a cold, heartless man. I would go down on my knees, to get you back. I would starve myself in the sun to get you back." I stopped myself, I knew it would only hurt me in the end.
He took the slap with ease, not even flinching, "I'm not heartless. Would you take me back so quickly had it been the other way around?"
"Yes! Or at least I would've tried to understand. You don’t spend over 300 years accepting that you would have no children then have them thrust upon you. You always wanted to have children, for you it was plausible. But, no, my father stopped me from having kids. My father killed me. For fear his hatred was passed down in my genes I did not want them."
"I've also spent the last few years accepting you weren't coming back"
"The last few years are nothing. I felt just as you did, I endured child-birth through a dead womb, Lazarus. I love you, but what I felt then I did not want to share with you. I could not thrust that upon you."
He let out a slight growl and attempted to guilt trip me. "I'm just finding it hard, okay? I'm trying to forgive you, I really am, Melissa."
"No, no, I don't believe you. I can't believe that. Bane... I trust him. You... I can't believe you,” he frowned, but I didn’t feel sorry for him. "You don't love me. That's what you have forced me to think. That is what I am forced to believe. That way you can walk into whosever life you want and fall into their bed."
"I forced you to think that?"
"By the way you're acting now, it would be kinder." He plastered on his puppy-dog eyes and I tried to look at him, but I couldn’t it still hurt. No matter how tough I tried to be, it still killed me to look at him like that.
"If it's only Bane you trust then maybe you should be speaking to him, not me."
"It is not his heart I have to win."
"I love you still, I'm just recovering. Give me some time, Melissa!"
I breathed, it had been about three days, but, I guess men needed more time... "Fine. Just fine. I will give you 'time.' I'll be sleeping till then. I should've done that at first anyway." It was just like hibernation, you will never be disturbed if you find the right place, usually a graveyard. The only downside would be that you could only be awoken by something close to your heart, or indeed a stake to the heart would make you wake for a few seconds – not something I ever hoped for... until now I guess... I think I still valued life too much, but if I was to sleep, it wouldn’t be so bad.
His hand began twitching and I sighed, tapping my foot slightly as he snapped into his new form. It hardly bothered me, I had seen and experienced these changes and they hold nothing over me, even as it was Lazarus in pain. Probably the first time he felt it after I left the amount of alcohol he consumed. “What do you want, Bane?”
He walked over and nuzzled my hand and I pulled it away swiftly. “What?” I whined, “Why are you here?”
The wolf around my neck began to get hot; I almost forgot it was there. “He wants you back, he’s just being an idiot,” Bane, I knew that voice. My... my wolf was in there, this wolf round my neck was my wolf soul... of course and it couldn’t just disappear. That woman was starting to bug me.
I sighed, shaking my head. “I need to go and clean myself up, there’s blood everywhere and I’m not even sure who it belongs to...”
"What're you shaking your head for?"
"Because I need to go clean up." He licked my arm, but I wasn’t in the mood. He whined and I sighed, "Come on, pup.” He followed me and I soon found my way home, I motioned for him to stay in the living room while I went and cleaned up. My wounds still weren’t healing, but there was nothing anywhere that I had read about wounds that vampire’s couldn’t heal from. I came downstairs; the wounds had stop bleeding but were still four bright red lines down my cheek. “Bane, I just don’t trust him,” I murmured when I walked downstairs again.
“Because he’s a jerk and barely understands how I feel if at all.” I felt as if another argument was coming.
“He doesn’t mean to be a jerk...” Oh, I can’t be bothered.
"Of course..." I sighed, "I need to sleep, all this arguing... I forget I'm still new."
"Should I go?" I shook my head.
"I'd rather you... didn't," I murmured, dragging myself into the basement where I rolled into bed. Bane jumped in beside me and I put my arms around his neck, burying my head in his fur. “Bane, don’t change back,” I whimpered into his pure white, soft, heavenly fur.
"Why? Because Lazarus has spent so many years addling his mind with alcohol at the slightest hint of emotions?" His voice was softer than Lazarus’ and it almost faded away at the end, it was magical, like being talked to by a god.
"Because as soon as you change back, you'll both leave," I cried, kissing his cheek lightly.
"He'll forgive you someday soon," someday, one day in the future, no one can be sure which. I need to know when, but I know it can’t just be decided.
"I hope so, Bane... I miss laying here, with his arms around me, his heart beating next to mine; I miss his warmth and the way he used to run his fingers through my hair... I miss his... everything, I miss everything about him." He licked my cheek and "I love you, but, I'm afraid you're no substitution for Lazarus."
“Of course not,” he murmured and I nodded, that’s it, I missed his soft lips and the way he used to half-bark in his sleep, tears began forming again and I hated myself for being so weak but I made sure I was crying into my pillow and not his lovely snowy fur. He nuzzled my side and I smiled, “thank you, Bane,” I whispered and he curled up, partly around me with his head beside mine. He was trying, and I loved him for that. But I just needed Lazarus, if only for one last time.
I needed the love of my angel.