I loved Bane, he didn’t have all the anger and sorrow that Lazarus kept, he wasn’t likely to have an affair on me and he definitely wouldn’t have become an alcoholic. I walked over, back to my house and into the basement where I flopped onto my bed, lowering it into the ground. That’s why I moved away from him y’know, I feared he would be angry at Bane for betraying him, I feared he would take it out on me. But I was never afraid of him, even when he first turned into Bane, it didn’t frighten me.
As I fell into sleep I remembered something, just a lazy night in Paris, when we owned the apartment together. I had woke up after sleeping all day and walked over to Lazarus at his piano, jumping into his lap. He pushed my hair from my neck and kissed it softly. I locked my arms around him, “Evenin’ handsome, what’re you working on?”
He looked at me, “nothing special,” his lips locking onto mine and I smiled as I kissed him back. This moment was perfect, I thought, the best moments are the ones that when everything is peaceful.
“My wonderful wolf, every piece of yours is special,” I had laughed after that about how cheesy it was, but he just smiled at me, nuzzling my neck.
I kissed him harder and his hands moved down to my hips. I was wearing one of the new lace night gowns he had bought me, cut to the knee. I pulled away slightly, asking if he was working tonight. He shook his head and I smiled. “Perfect,” I whispered, biting my lip slightly.
“Oh?” He smiled and I jumped off his lap, pulling him into the bedroom where I just held him close for a while. I remember now, that dream about the fire, that’s why I wanted Lazarus so close to me. That’s why at that moment I just held him without letting go. That’s why I was dreaming about this now; all I wanted was Lazarus to hold me close, his large forming hold mine tight, his hands on my hips and his lips caressing my neck. It was pure heaven, a heaven I turned my back on.
I pushed him away then, something that didn’t actually happen, but I couldn’t control it. I just pushed him away and watched him disappear into the ether. As did the rest of the world, eventually. I woke up with tears down my cheeks and a lump in my throat. I had Bane, I felt like I always had him beside me, but, no, Lazarus would never be mine again and I felt like that would be the case and it felt like a stake was rammed through my heart, except, it felt good. When I rolled out of bed I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.
Maybe this was it. Maybe... no, I can’t face that.
“Lazarus, if you can hear this... I need you.”