Fear... My companion. With me everywhere. Oppressing hope every day. I had tried to escape it but it had stopped me. It fed off me like a hungry vampire, making me weak, forcing me to bend to its will.
My dad. Shouting. Pain. Swearing. Pain. Throwing glass bottles. ... Pain.
Fear and Pain were the two constants in my life.
And now they were hatching a new plan against me.
I had left the house for some air, to escape the nauseating smells, to escape the aggressive aura of the only other occupant. To flee Fear and Pain basically, but they followed me everywhere.
This time, they were in the form of two men who threatened to take my life if I didn't do as they said.
I was thrown into a van with a boy. A tall boy. Light brown hair. Green eyes.
No one could be trusted.
Fear and Pain came upon me in the form of memories. Weak, I let them affect me. Tears fell down my face, like my spirit was trying to leave my body. If only they could alleviate the hurt. If only they could take my soul elsewhere.
The guy - he couldn't be trusted - reached out and touched me. A touch. Pain! I escaped his touch. Though Pain was a memory, it could easily be made real.
I don't know what I shouted. But Fear and Pain guided my words. As they always did.
The boy said something. His tone was ... different. Not loud. Not fierce. I didn't recognise the tone. But it was odd: it was not-Fear and not-Pain. Was that even possible?
He touched my back. The Fear-Pain memories returned. When the physical Fear-Pain didn't come, I was surprised. I relaxed into the motion of his fingers. Fear faded fast... The overwhelming knowledge that Fear and Pain did not have to rule my life brought me to tears. New tears. Tears of a new sensation. Not-Fear-not-Pain.
The boy - he could be trusted, in fact - stroked my hair and spoke in the not-Fear-not-Pain tone. I didn't pay attention to the words: words were meaningless to me in my current state; but the underlying message was beautiful. It spoke of a world where not-Fear-not-Pain was a common sensation, where people lived without shouting or swearing or having glass bottles thrown at them.
I fell asleep on the not-Fear-not-Pain boy.
When I woke up, I didn't know where I was. I didn't know who the boy whose lap I was on was. Who was he? I jumped away from him.
But he reminded me of the not-Fear-not-Pain sensation and I felt nicely strange again.
Suddenly, I knew I needed him. I couldn't go back to the Fear and Pain of the past. I had to move forwards with him. I leapt onto him and leant against him, curling into him. He put his arms around me and I was enveloped in very nice not-Fear-not-Pain.
"I'm Zach," the boy told me, his words distinct now.
"Abbie," I said, and Fear still had a little control of my voice.
The van stopped. The men took us to a big place with lots of people with large bags. I followed the men, keeping close to Zach, onto a long thing with seats inside. The long thing was called 'China Express' according to a voice without a person, which was quite alarming in my opinion. I huddled up as close as I could to Zach and stayed there even when the voice stopped. I fell asleep again.
I liked the not-Fear-not-Pain a lot.