Jadir: Broken

  Armes' eyes hung on my own as she trotted away from me and disappeared around the corner. I stood alone once more, unsure of what to do or say. The emotions burned fresh inside me, I could hear the words I would say to her. But she was gone, just as fast as she had come, she was gone.

   I paced up and down the dark alley in which I stood, planning. What would I do? I ran my hand through my hair deserperatly.

  Stopping abruptly, I thought, Kynan can wait, I must speak to her.  No longer did I care if I appeared a ridiculous fool, but I feared if I could not tell her now of how I felt, then I could never tell her. I followed the way she had gone, straining my ears to hear any sign of her. My heart seemed too loud in my head and my palms sweat as I caught the soft, gentle murmur of her voice around the corner. Taking I breath, I peered my head around it.

   I froze, my heart skipping a beat and sinking to my feet like a rock. Their heads were pressed close together...and though I could not see much through the murk of the night....I could discern....the motion of them lean ever so closer to...to kiss.

   Somehow, I yanked my eyes away, shock corsing through my body. I stumbled against the wall, closing my eyes. All I could see was Kynan kissing her, and her returning it. No, no, no, no, no!

  I walked away as fast as I could, almost running. I didn't know how far I went or how long I had gone, but finally, I dropped against a tree, catching my breath. I hid my face in my hands, yet I pulled away, suprised as I felt my own tears smudge my palms. I had not shed a tear since my mother had died....years and years ago....

   Angrily, I brushed aside the next tear, swallowing against my burning throat. I layed my head against the tree trunk and looked to the canopy of dark green leaves, a few cracks leading to the night sky bright and clear with stars. My eyes dropped closed, drifting to sleep. I realized how exhausted I was, my head throbbing, Too late....always too late...

    'I was young, only a boy. I had never knew my father, he had left my mother when I was born, I believe. And she never spoke of him-I never knew his name. We were isolated from the other elves, deep in the forrests, for some reason I did not understand. I had argued with Mother, my beloved mother, one day, and ran off into the woods, swearing to never return. I travelled for two days and one night, until I realized my stupidity and turned around and sprinted home. I had arrived...too late.

   She was dying on the floor,  slashed with blood and gore. My father, cruel, was above her with a sword stained with her blood in his hand. I screamed, and he turned and called me his son-and declared that I had ruined his life, and I would die as my mother did. He approached to do the same as he had done to her. Filled with fury, I attacked him.  I had forgotten how I had done it, all I recalled was that he ran off on his horse and I bent to my mother's side.

  With the last of her dying breath, she forgave me for running away and being too late as I sobbed over her. Though I would never forgive myself....never.

  Ever since I learned myself with the sword so well that I could kill my father. When I was old and strong enough, against the Elder's wishes I had left to pursue my father. I still did not know his name-I never wished to. To me he was evil, he was a demon.

   I discovered him crazed and insane in the side of a mountain, almost ready to slit his own throat. He was starving and weak, but I killed him mercilessly, and in my anger, threw his corpse over the edge of the mountain into a pit of rocks below, instead of giving him an honorable burial. He did not deserve it.

   I returned to the Elven City where Naria's father reigned king. I was alone, lost, and lonely although fellow Elves surrounded me. I told no one accept the King of what I had done, and he respected me greatly for that. Naria would never know, but her father and I grew close, and he offered her to me without even telling her. I began to watch and mingle with Naria, and felt that I had fallen in love with her and began my pursuit. Her repeat denial infuriated me, though I promised to always be with her so that nothing may harm her...

  My mother lay dead on the floor, pools of blood staining our floor as I cried. I had never shed a tear again, becoming stony and hiding myself even with Naria and her father.....I recalled the blood on my fingers...the tears wetting my face...her hand cold and dead as I grasped for it.....

   My memories mixed with nightmares and other things, everything becoming confused and mussed in my head. I fluttered open my eyes, my face sticky with trails of tears. It was bright with morning. I lifted my head, my neck aching from the awkward position in which I had laid all night, and came face-to-face with the eldery witch human. She was grinning at me peculiarly. "Would you leave me along, old hag?" I snapped.

   She cackled, "I have told you before-you are so incredibly stupid, aren't you? You were stupid then, and your stupid now. You don't learn anything do you?"

   I stood-somehow I wasn't angry. I grimaced, grumbling something at her and walking away. I could hear her saying some nonesense, but I didn't bother paying attention.  I continued to walk, feeling broken on the inside, as I caught the sound of singing on the wind and was drawn to it.

   Naria was standing in the middle, all the other elves swaying with the music. The humans were in a trance, though Ramin stood without being affected. Though I was no longer in pursuit of Naria, there was still something about him that put a terrible taste in my mouth.

   I looked through the crowd, to realized Armes standing a few feet away from me. Before I could turn my gaze away, she caught my eye and slithered over to my side. Something in her eyes seemed off. I stiffened as she neared, trying to control a flair of emotions that came with seeing her again. "Good morning," I said curtly.

  "Morning," she replied, looking closer at my face. I attempted to glance away, but she took her hand and pulled my face in her full view. I trembled as her hand brushed my cheek. "You look terrible. Are you alright?"

   I was melting under her concerned, beautiful gaze. I felt all the same words on the tip of my tongue that I was to tell her last night returning, the kiss in which she gave Kynan seemed to slip from my mind. I was enthralled, I was enchanted. I had no idea what was going on around us.  "Armes, I...," I began, yet paused when something caught the corner of my eye. Angrily, I turned my head away for a brief moment, seeing Kynan weaving his way through the crowd towards us. I stiffened and turned back to Armes, waiting for me to finish.

   My muscles tense, I continued, trying to sound harsh and strong, but I don't think I did myself well, my voice wavering and cracking ever so slightly, "Armes, I hope you and Kynan have a fine, wonderful life together. He is a very...very fine man and that is what you deserve."

    She looked at me with shocked eyes, gaping. I turned on my heel and barged away from her through the crowd-I didn't want to hear an explanation, or an excuse. I didn't want to tell her how I saw. I hung my head, looking at my feet as I continued briskly through the mass of Elves. "Jadir," I heard Kynan's voice and stopped, looking up to face him. He smiled at me, yet I couldn't back. I felt like strangling him. I could imagine in in my head, yet for Armes I held back.

   "Kynan," I nodded just as Armes joined us, reaching for my arm. I slid out of the way.  Turning my eyes away from hers, I said to both of them, "I should leave you two alone. Farewell."  With that, I walked away as quickly as possible, leaving the music behind me, as hard as that was. I again went far away, and without thinking, climbed into a tree, so perhaps no one would find me in this state. I feared the worst-that I could never see Armes again after that.




The End

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