Jadir: Thoughts

   I entered the courtyard, framed by tall, regal trees. Ancient stones were laid into the ground, creating a swirled pattern in the circlular area. I forgot how I ended up here, only that I had wandered through the Elven City carelessly until I realized how quickly twilight was approaching. My eyes heavy, I perched myself on the crook of the largest of the trees, the lower part of the trunk oddly shaped like a bench.

   Thoughts crowded my mind, often making it too hard to sort through them. Love. It was all I could think of as of late. Such a confusing subject. How did I get myself into this tangled mess?  Naria.

   Did I still love her as I used to? Did I even know how love was supposed to feel when I believed I loved her? My emotions for her felt as a wavering candle in the darkness of night, faint and melting.  What enchantment could the rugged human hunter have over Naria? Did it matter anymore? She did not love me, and my own emotions for her had faded considerably, like smudged ink on ancient parchment.

   Armes? Did I love her? My mind wound itself around and around that question until my thoughts were mashed and tangled. I seemed to think about her more and more.  Her eyes, her bright eyes seemed to haunt my memory. I often reminissed the kiss she left on my lips when I had last seen those eyes. I yearned to hear her voice when she spoke to me, I yearned to meet her gaze and see her smile. Was that love? I had never felt anything like it before....

   I ran my hand over my face, yet my fingers lingered on my fresh scar. I shook my head. The healers were unable to repair it for some strange reason. The wound, small compared to those in the past I had recovered from, unusually took so much out of me and made me feel weak. What would Armes think of my ugly scar....

  I placed my palms to my temples. There I went thinking about her again. Her name ran through my mind every few moments, I had never thought so much of anyone, even of Naria when I pursued her. I had not seen her in a long while, yet I heard she was alright and resting from passing gossip, and I was nervous about how I would approach her after our last meeting.  Now I must see her, to see if she was truly alright for myself. Enough thinking, the confusion of thinking and thinking over it ten times over was pestering me.

   Standing, I began to wander back to the main area of the Elven City in hopes of finding her. Night was beginning to fall, and I started to worry whether she had already retired for the night. 

   The city was near empty, only a few quiet elves drifting through. I bit my lip and gazed about. 

    "You are looking for Armes, yes?" said a voice, rough and deep like a toad's. I turned abruptly, suprised to see an old human woman, grey ragged hair cascading about her truly toad-like face.  What was she doing here and who was she?

    She smiled slyly, looking at me with freakish beady black eyes, like those of toads. "She has been with Kynan all the day long. I am not one for gossip, but they have been close for a number of years."

    "How do I know you are telling the truth?" I said harshly. Perhaps a bit too harshly, yet I could already feel anger burning at my heart.

   "You are a blind and stupid boy, aren't you? Show some respect and listen to someone other than yourself for once." she snapped. "You will never win your lover's heart with such an attitude."

    I clenched my jaw, my hands balling in fists. She seemed all the more amused. "Who are you, woman!" I demanded.

    "What would you care, you wouldn't even hear if I told you."  she grinned and with that she melted into the shadows, leaving me alone in the square.

    I breathed heavily for a moment, furious, before I calmed myself, setting my back to the nearest wall and sliding down it to sit on the ground. I stared at my knees as the night darkness blanketed over me.

    It must be emotion of love inside me, because with it comes bitter jealousy.

   

The End

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