Jade greenly blue eyes looked over my appearance; I didn't have to read her mind to figure what she saw. Her hand was touching my shoulder in a comforting way something I really wasn't used to. I could pretty much see her mind trying to work me out, why I was like this, why I kicked off at them.
"I want to be alone, Jade is that so hard to grasps?" My voice was hard I looked at her hand. "Close the door on your way out." I shrugged her hand closing my tired eyes and sighing. I heard her get up then hearing the door close.
But when I opened my eyes again she was still there. "I meant when you leave me alone." I stood up feeling annoyed and irritated lack of sleep was really getting to me now.
"Why do you keep this room closed off?" She asked looking around, but still guarding the door.
"None of you business." I snapped back.
She finally moved her eyes scanning the room even more, looking for clues which I didn't like. Then her face finally twigged what room this was.
"This is there room isn't it? It's you parents room, are they...?" She tailed off, I didn't look at her.
"Travelling. Left me with my grandparents." I lied this was half true it what I normally said to people who asked about where my parents were.
"You're lying Ash River, about your parents anyway." I flinched at her words, anger set in then. How dare she! O'come Ash you're just pissed that she figured you out. The voice in my head said.
I turned to look at her, shocked that she worked it out. "How do you know that I'm lying to you? You don't know me well enough."
"That's true I don't, but it all fits. You have some serious issues with your attitude towards people." She replied I went over to the door, but she blocked me again. "What is Ash? It's like you can't admit it. These more to it."
"It's my fault, that's all you need to know. Everything is my fault." I whispered then I pushed her out the door way. I took the key out of my leather jacket, locking the door. Still not facing her face I lent my head back looking into space.
"You can stay here and the others. Just don't go in this room and leave me alone."
"I want to help you Ash, let me in please." She nearly begged going to touch my shoulder again, only this time I moved out of her reach glaring at her.
"Did you send me these people, wasn't my life hard enough without all of their troubles? I was fine on my own, I knew who I was, what I was doing. Now I'm not so sure, I don't know how to feel like this. Let someone see who I am." I was pacing on my own under the tree. "I mean yer ok, being in that house all on my own it was getting to me, but really are you trying to push my emotions to the extreme?"
"I can't deal with this. I still feel the same anger and guilt from the mention of your name, why shouldn't these feelings go or will I always have them?" I fell to my knees. "Dad just tell me that everything going to be ok, like you used to. Mum please just help me to deal with all of this." I placed the red roses on each of their head stones cutting my finger.
"God it's all my fault. For 10 years I've carried the guilt of your death." I could feel my eyes water I didn't like it, feeling like this, useless. "It's all my fault, it's all my fault. It's all my FAULT!" I carried on shouting this over and over.
"Ash, Ash shh it's ok your ok." Someone's arm around me stopping me from lashing out even more.
"It's all my fault." I whispered against their soft skin.
"It wasn't Ash shh."
"It's all my faulllll..." I fell in their arms the blackness finally taking me and for once I let it break me down.