This is just a place for me to dump all of my feelings of the day. You don't really need to read it, it's really just somewhere for me to express how I feel.
Dear Protagonize Online Diary,
Oh my gosh, I didn't realize how long that was in my head. I'll have to think of a name for you my fickle writing friend. It'll have to be something classy, yet bold an daring. And obdviously it has to be totally adorable(could you see the sarcastic eye roll and hair flip there? I could)!
I hate life. No, that's a lie. A couple days ago I hated life. I'd always frowned upon those who commited suicide and such, and then, on about Monday of this week, I found my self drawn towards the knivesin my kitchen. Why you ask?
I have no friends.
It's simple! I'm only in grade 8, and highschool is so close, but it seems so far away. It's as if everyone in my class that I loved so much is gone! All gone! I can't find anyone to relate to anymore, and it makes me so mad! I don't understand it! I used to be friends with everyone, I could go anywhere and have a good time. I used to smile ALOT!
And now my face hurts from frowning. I need something to pull me out of this deep hole of despair that is my life!
Whenever something saves you, it's usually related to angels, is it not?
"You're an angel!"
"You're my angel"
"OH MY GOD! AN ANGEL!"
Well, angels are related to singing and singing seems to be the only thing pulling me through this mud pit. Every note brings me closer to the light of life again. I used to have a spring in my step and a spark in my eye, but now it's gone, covered up by the mud and the whispered words that I can hear far too well. The glances and shrugged off comments.
Then, of course, my only true friends left in the world, we'll call them M and L. Both guys and both totally amazing, minus one flaw, M is gorgeous. I don't mean you look at him and he catches your eye, I mean year long crush kind of gorgeous. Muscular, tanned. He is "yummy" in man form. But does he know this?
He thinks I'm a transphesdite... Why, you ask?
I look like a girl but act like a guy.
So, he's not the brightest bulb in the box, but I dream. I dream of graduation day in only two months! I get my diploma and we're all celebrating. We're talking and he says
"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He pulls me away from the crowd, maybe even outside and looks me dead in the eyes. "I have to do something, and you can't get mad at me, okay?" I could never be mad at you! I think. Then, he puts one han on my cheek and leans in, his lips touching mine and I practically melt into him.
But then my daydreams are shattered by harsh reality and the fact that he'd never like a girl like me! He's too shallow! Why do I want him to kiss me then? WHY?
Well, I have no idea. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah, simply cheery.
Oh! I've thought of your name! P.O.D.! Pod! I like it.
Well, my pillow is singing me sweet lullabies of dreaming and beauty sleep. Such sweet lullabies.
Woah! I'm back!
And gone again! Ta-ta!
The Wicked Writer from The West