Competetive Hardship #5 - MuffyMature

Note: "Not a single word of this is true. Not only that, but her spelling and grammar sucks." - Moon

"It is so, true, you dowdy wrinkly stuffypants old bat! An' besides, I don't got bad grammar, I write the way I talk, so that can't be a bad thing - right? - Muffy

 


My name is Muffy , you know?  Youse guys think you have it so bad, that sucks, but you should try being me. I only have like, one cell phone. It's not even an i-phone! Daddikins says I'll get one for my sweet sixteen, but that's a whole year away! How am I supposed to keep up on all the twitter on a phone that doesn't even have Internet access? My allowance is only fifty bucks a week. How am I supposed to buy my fifth pair of $200 skin tight blue jeans with that? Mumsy said I would like, have to save up my allowance. That is so lame! Like I can save a single penny after I buy my makeup for the week.

I have a sister who's one size older than me, and once, when I was like five, my parents tried to give me a dress that used to be hers. Well you can imagine how upset I was!  Me Muffy, the People's Little Princess, wearing hand-me-downs. I was mortified! I ripped the dress off as soon as Mumsy put it on me, and stuffed it in the great big office shredder that Daddikins puts all his business documents in.

Things I have to put up with at home. - you have no idea how easy you have it! There's a big old antique Grandfather clock  in the corner of the hallway outside my room. It chimed on the half hour and hour. It sounded like bagpipes for Gawdsakes!

How am I supposed to sleep till two in the afternoon on the weekends with that thing squawking outside my door? I took a whole tube of Super Glue and glued Mumsie's $2,000 Cashmere designer sweater to the hangy-downy-swingy-chimey-thingy. That fixed that nasty noisey clocksie. Mumsie freaked! She was going to wear it to another one of her secret 'lunches' with the local celebrity bad actor who has a small part on a soap opera. She liked that sweater. It really showed off her boob implants.

That's not even the worst of it! I have a sister who's like seventeen, and she thinks she's  prettier than me. That's just wrong - duuuuuuhhh! Nobody is prettier than me. I'm a total babe. Just ask all the boys who line up outside the boys' locker room to watch my ass walk down the hall.

Oh yeah, talk about school! Well I tellya your school was the best compared to mine. My school actually makes me take math classes. That is like, totally cruel!!! My life is just like, harsh. You don't wanna be me, that's for sure.


The End

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