Ha! I wish my childhood was that cushy. I never knew my parents and went bouncing from abusive foster parent to abusive foster parent. When I finally got adopted, it was by a psychotic woman who moved us to a forest in the middle of nowhere. We didn't even have a toilet. I had to use the bushes and when my "parent" thought I was taking too long (about ten seconds or so) I would get doused with ice water. She homeschooled me and would hit me with a dictionary if I got answers wrong. She wouldn't let me sleep, claiming that that was when "the demons in me" were strongest. When I did fall asleep she would make me sleep outside, covered in a generous layer of snow.When I tried to run away, she hunted me down. Literally. I had to wear the same clothes for five years straight and when my shoes got too tight I had to go barefoot.
She said I was crazy. She would give me electroshock therapy in the bathtub with a toaster, adding electrolyte for added conductivity. She would cut me with knives and slap me if I make a noise. She would not give me food for days, telling me it was part of the "treatment". When she did feed me, it was usually various fungi and grasses picked from outside. I had to sneak out at night and walk to the farmhouse three miles away to beg for food. When the authorities finally found out, she tricked them into thinking that I was her. When the doctors at the asylum finally figured out their mistake, I actually had gone crazy. Then they had to treat me and by the time I had gotten out I wasn't a child anymore. I only wish that my childhood had been so cushy!