The ice cold air chills me to my core. I stare at the ground below at the black tarmac of the carpark. I can’t see much. It’s like looking into the void itself. I feel the bad thoughts creeping up on me and a toxic voice in my head whispers that this path is for the best. It tells me that like everyone else the void of nothing is where I’m heading. Why not speed it up? A quick spectacular fall into oblivion from the roof of Leeds local crappy casino an article in the local paper if and then nothing. I’ll be forgotten about. If I really lucky this’ll hurt Susan. I doubt it though. Too many things left unsaid. Worse too many things said. I look down and I yearn for it. But I don’t. But despite all my reasons, my trail of broken relationships, my shitty job that a monkey could do that’s going nowhere, my so called best friend who hardly knows me, despite all that I’m a coward. I like a cig and breathes in the cancer. Here’s to a slow death the only way I know, drink, cigs and terrible food. The smoke burns the back of my throat. It’s a good pain. And that’s when I hear a noise and realise I’m not alone up here. The Old man from the blackjack tables has followed me.
I turn around. The Old man is playing with something in his hands it seems to look like a polyhedron but something about it just seems off, like it shouldn’t exist in this reality. Just looking at it from an angle is giving me a migraine and yet the old man seems to be having no trouble with it, manipulating it and moulding it to his desires. I’m mildly irked at this point so I shout to him.
‘Hey, what you doing following me, I mean can you not see I’m having a mild existential crisis up here, it’s only polite to leave me alone, and let’s face it mate you aren’t good looking enough to stalk me’
It’s all my usual muddled bravado but it makes him finally look up.
‘ Such rudeness’ he chastise ‘And to think earlier tonight you were the only mildly interesting person in that shithole of a casino, I thought to myself he seems like the kind of boy who’d like to be involved in my game, he seems like the sort of person desperate or bored enough to take up my off, and yet I come up here to talk and am rebuffed as a stalker, boy if you really knew me you’d realise what a precarious position you are currently in’
‘ I’m meant to believe you’re powerful then?, Do you secretly run the triads?’
‘ Maybe I do boy and maybe not but the point stands this is my godamn shitty casino and I really can’t be fucked with dealing with another idiot jumping off the roof, now I have an offer for you, if you want to see a change in your life you’ll meet me downstairs. I’ll be watching the poker. But I will warn you my offer could enhance or completely destroy your life. And with that attitude I think it’ll probably be the second.’
With that he slinks off the roof and I was left alone with the chilly night air.