I bumped into Rachel at 'school'. We talked about the whole Edward-is-a-wimp deal and decided to use tactics to make him look super-ugly. We could toy with Bella's hormones before you went in for the kill.
I didn't tell her, but I was going out to bully him some more tonight. It's gonna e fuuuuuuuuuuuun :)
Frigg(my pet duck)and I may be at the bottom of the assasin list, but were still as good a any other.
Frigg sat on my head as I jogged down the road to the cullens house... no one came out to 'greet' me today, so I just carried on having evil fantisies about Edward...
- With a broken nose
- A hitler mustach(done that )
- in a clown out fit
- in drag
and generally that sort of stuff. BOY i would KILL to see him in drag!!!!!
I walked a tad further and sawe Bella with her back to me. I think she was doing that thing where you put your arms around yourself and it looks really perverted.
But no, Edward was in front of her... they were apparently both really bad kissers.
It's was all tounges, lips and teeth... no real love there.
I pulled out a fart machine, swiched on the loudest.
'EDWARD!!! ewwwww. im leaving you, your gross!' Bella shreiked, 'I only got with you to get knocked up then become a stupid vampire! DAMMIT YOU SICKO!''
'Yeach, well, I don't even like teddy bear picknicks anymore, your such a KID bella! No wonder our ugly baby loved Jacob more than you!!!!!' Said edward in this really high pitched voice.
I stood there for a second, trying not to laugh. Frigg was still on my head, doing nothing as usual.
It was all still for about five minutes until Bella come running back and threw her arms around the thing she calls a man.
'I'm sorry Ed-wuggles darling!!! I only ran away because of my raging horemones!! Your ritch, have ginger hair and look all expensive and diamond-y in the sun. I love my Ed-wuggles for his beautiful ritchness! Lets go have sex and sort this thing out by our terrible love-making, I mean look at that fugly brat we produced! Okay honey-vampie?'Bella simpered.
'Of course my Swan-sickle' they skipped off arm in arm and me? I went home trying to get the whole sickening scene from my poor innocent head!