Lazarus: PillowMature

Lucky hadn’t cleaned the kitchen since I’d gone. The rest of the place looked fine, but the kitchen was littered with bottles and the air was thick with the smell of alcohol where I’d broken one. I mumbled about forgetting to clean before I left. He didn’t say anything, he just set about cleaning up. I helped out of guilt, mostly. Lucky showed up a while after we were done cleaning, asking if we were back to stay. I shrugged.

“Maybe,” I muttered. Line didn’t look like he knew what to say, but I didn’t really care all that much. I wandered off, figuring they could go ahead and get to know each other while I took some time out alone. I ended up in the bedroom me and Fate shared. It still smelt of sex; the sheets hadn’t been changed since we abandoned the place, and the pillows smelt of his hair. I picked one up and inhaled its scent, eventually sitting down on the floor and leaning on the wall with it.

I heard footsteps follow me up after a while, and Line’s scent reached me before he did. I could’ve moved and put the pillow back on the bed, pretended to be stripping the sheets, anything. But I just sat there, hugging the pillow.

He sat down next to me, giving me a one armed hug. The back of my throat and eyes were aching and stinging with the urge to cry. I hadn’t felt more than the occasional flash of anger or bitterness since he’d walked out; I wanted to stop myself from crying and being so fucking needy, but when Line made it obvious that he was trying to be there for me, I just ended up letting myself be pathetic. I guess I needed the release. Not that I felt much better for letting out. I mean, I felt a tiny bit better, but it wasn’t enough. I sort of choked out an apology after a while, getting a smile and an ‘it’s fine’ from Line as I sniffled and forced myself to stop crying onto his shoulder. He hugged me a little tighter as I wiped my face, feeling a little irritable at myself.

"It's not fine, it's pathetic," I said grumpily, kicking the pillow away from me.

“No you’re not.” I didn’t argue with him, just quietly enjoying the hug. Eventually, I wanted a drink. I mumbled something to Line about it and he questioned whether or not it needed to be an alcoholic drink. I told him it didn’t, but apparently he could tell I wasn’t being entirely honest with him, because when I tried to get up, he wouldn’t let me. I insisted all I wanted was a glass of water.

"Don't lie to me, Lazarus," Line said, his voice still friendly and not the angry tone I was expecting.

“I’m not lying,” I winced inwardly as my voice wobbled dangerously as I came close to breaking down into tears again. I just wanted a fucking drink. He kissed my head and I look up at him with the puppy eyes out, “just one drink,” I pleaded.

"It won't do you any good." I still tried to get up again. I kept trying, and he kept holding me down. Eventually, I gave in. I wasn’t going to get anywhere. If I’d slept and eaten properly I would’ve had a chance, but I was weaker than a human as it was. I resolved to sneak out to drink later on when he was asleep, staying where I was leaning against him until it was dinner time.

Line carried me downstairs and sat me down at the kitchen table, despite my protests that I’m not hungry. I watched him start making dinner, whining when I saw him making more than enough for all three of us. He served it up and called Lucky in to eat. I prodded mine around the plate, glancing up at the look of concern on his face.

“Please eat some of it,” he said. I reminded him that I wasn’t hungry, but he went all pleading eyes on me. “Please.” I forced a few mouthfuls down, feeling decidedly sick each time anything touched my tongue. I pushed the plate away when I couldn’t keep any more down, but Line thanked me all the same for trying at least. Once everything was cleared away, me and Line settled down on the sofa with Lucky. Lucky looked over at us curiously as Line wrapped his arms around me again.

“So are you two together now?” he asked tentatively.

“No,” Line replied, looking confused. Lucky just looked a little relieved that he wouldn’t have to hear us having sex all night.

“You just look kinda... close,” he muttered.

“He’s family,” Line shrugged slightly and Lucky nodded. I could almost see him trying to work out if it would be incest if members of a pack got together or not. Line resumed hugging me, playing with my hair when I let out a yawn. “Go to sleep.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to sleep. I avoided sleep as often as I could. “Why not?”

“Bad dreams,” I mumbled. Line just kept playing with my hair. My eyes began to feel heavy and a little sore after a while and I yawned more than once. I sort of curled up against him, using his shoulder as a pillow, letting out a sleepy hum as I drifted off on him. 

The End

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