Lazarus: Dreaming.Mature

It was that dream. The one I’d always had, for as long as I could remember. For the most part, I was fairly good at waking myself up from it and shaking it off, but for some reason, tonight there was no escaping it. The darkness was pulling me down faster than it ever had, pulling a cry of terror from my lungs that came out as no more than a whimper.

I could feel something pressing up against me and I shuddered, unable to look around to see what it was stroking my skin. I whined, clawing at whatever might be in front of me for something to grab hold of. There was nothing. There hadn’t been for more than two and a half centuries. I should be used to that by now.

But I never was.

The next thing I knew, I was acutely aware of the fact that I had just fallen out of bed. The next thing that came to my attention as I got to my feet, was that I’d shifted into my wolf form at some point during the night. I looked up to see Fate frowning at me, this look of concern on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. I climbed back into bed, forcing my body to let its defences down enough to change back so I could reply.

“Just a dream,” I muttered.

“About what?” his hand tangled in my hair in such a familiar move I found myself leaning against him a little.

"Falling. Never had any other dreams." I guess it’s not normal to dream about the same thing for three hundred or so years, but what can I do about it? I’ve tried just about every method of getting off to sleep that I can think of, but it’s never changed or gone away. Only thing that ever changed it was Gabriel.

“Really?” I nodded, not really caring if he thought I was weird for it. I was weird for just being alive, let alone for what goes on in my head. “Weird,” he commented. I shrugged, letting him keep playing with my hair.

“It’s nothing to worry about. I’m usually fairly good at waking myself up from it. And if it keeps you up, you can throw me out of bed.” I smiled a little at that, at the memories of waking up on the floor from where people I’d stayed with got fed up of me hitting them in my sleep or something and they’d taken me up on that offer.

"Why would I throw you out of bed?" he asked with a slight laugh.

“If the wriggling keeps you awake. I don’t mind.”

"I wouldn't do that, silly," he smiled.

“Careful,” I chuckled, “you’ll start reminding me of someone I used to know.” He tilted his head and I started to regret saying anything. I doubted Fate would want to hear anything about a previous lover, let alone one that’s been dead nearly as long as I’ve been alive. “Doesn’t matter,” I told him kissing his head, but he had his curious face on. “An old lover.” I hoped that might be enough for him. I always seemed to manage to push people away when I started going on about Gabriel, and I didn’t want to risk fucking things up with Fate. He put his head on my shoulder and I kissed the top of it again. “Like I said, it doesn’t really matter. He is quite literally history.”

"I don't mind hearing about it," Fate said.

“People I’ve been with have often said they feel like I’m comparing them to him when I talk about him. I’d rather not upset you because I’m a sentimental old man.”

“I don’t mind,” he smiled. Ah, Fate. You’re so sweet.

“Well I s’pose for a start, he also refused to kick me out of the bed because I kept him awake,” I laughed a bit, “once he discovered he was capable of being a normal human instead of a snobby asshole, he was really quite sweet.” Fate smiled and I guessed it’d be okay to keep talking. “We were together while I was still human. I guess because at the time I still thought like a human and didn’t really expect to live much beyond thirty five, I was pretty determined that he’d be my only lover; I s’pose it’s only fair to warn you now that to a certain extent I’ve been thinking like that for the last two hundred and fifty odd years, so you can imagine what sort of effect that’s had on relationships between then and now. I don’t really think like that anymore, but I still think about him so much that people find it weird or whatever,” I shrugged, shaking my head a little. I was rambling. “Anyway, point is, I don’t want you to feel like I’m comparing you or anything, because I’m not,” I said, wrapping my arms comfortably around his waist, “you’re my lover now, and definitely my last, this time.”

The End

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