Properly January 8 - The 2009 Protagonist's Diary

Dear Diary,

Apparently, you are now being blessed with a more legitimate entry for today, though the claim of legitimacy is not by own, for I have little control over the titles deemed by the past.

Speaking of the past, I wish I could go back there. A few months ago I was writing something nearly every day and proud of it. A new story here, a new branch there, the words seemed to spring from the hands onto the screen like rain from the sky.

Then real life hit, I got married, I did NaNoWriMo, Christmas came and went. Now I'm back here, desperately scraping back the cobwebs and dust of my mind so I can begin writing again. And I must say, it's good to be back.

I've still yet to decide on a style or genre that suits me. I have a leaning towards sci-fi, but I also have certain leanings towards comedy, or at the least a very irreverent attitude towards serious prose at times. In many cases nothing has really changed, I'm still as undirected and as inconsistent as ever, jumping from one idea to the next, leaving a trail of unfinished stories and half-formed ideas in my wake. Often I'm too taken up with following up the next idea in my head that I leave things in a poor state of affairs, badly edited and riddled with school-boy errors.

That's one of the reasons I like it here though. No commitments. I don't have to finish anything, or at least, I don't have to feel guilty about not doing so. I have all these wonderful people here to do it for me and to distract me from looking back too harshly with words of encouragement or friendly suggestions and criticisms.

I've never been a confident writer. I know what I like, but when I read back my own stuff I never seem to be able to tell if, had someone else written it, I'd enjoy it. I seem to lack the ability to read my own work as a reader and so I refuse to judge it at all. Maybe I really don't enjoy what I write, which is odd I suppose, because I really do enjoy writing it. I leave it up to all the others out there to form an opinion for me, since I seem incapable of doing so myself. I always look forwards to seeing a comment, ratings not nearly giving me enough feedback, being abstract values of questionable worth and meaning to me. A number is just a number, a soulless entity with no real attachment to anything but a comment is tangible proof that the words on the page have been parsed through the readers mind and evoked some kind of response in kind.

Well, I wont end this with resolutions or wishes for the future. I long ago made the new year resolution to make no more new year resolutions and I've stuck to it. I'm pretty content with the way things are, so rather than a wish, I end with a statement:

Be inspired...

... and with this melting pot of ideas we have at protagonize, it's hard not to be.



The End

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