Apparently Gemme's wiped parts of my memory. This girl, Emily that she says I went out with a while ago. I was quite happy to blame it on the drugs, but she told me about it anyways. I dunno why she felt the need to tell me. She said she didn't like knowing the truth while I had no idea. But I don't think that was really a good enough excuse, because now I know I must have done something really horrible for me to have asked her to take the memories away.
And I've done some pretty horrible things in my short seventeen years.
Oh yeah, I managed to go five days sober before I caved and couldn't take any more. Are you proud of me? I mean I know five days isn't long, but y'know. There was a time when I couldn't go five minutes without something.
I'm looking at Gemme's entry and wondering what else I can say that you don't already know. Uhm... I can take people's energy. When I bothered to turn up to school, I paid attention in biology, so it wasn't too hard to figure out how to take energy from someone. I can reverse the healing process, too, use it destructively. That's kinda how the taking energy from a person thing works. When I got slammed by the other car chasing after Jeremy, I didn't have enough power to heal myself, so I stole Jeremy's energy to heal myself.
I didn't even get to kill the guy, I was too tired.
What else to say...?
Oh yeah. Benny's moved in with us, now. I do find myself kinda wishing it had been Rayn, mainly ‘cause I fight with Benny about as much as we get on. But hey, he gives me free tattoos. He was the one that did the tribal style wolf on my side.
Living with two artists. Could get interesting. Or messy.
And trying to give up drugs with another junkie in the house. Yay.
I wonder what's happened to those other zodiacs. So far, they haven't chased me down yelling at me to be their personal paramedic, so I guess they're doing alright.
All this change recently has been weird. I didn't like it at first, but I think I'm okay with it now. I mean I can tell Gemme that I love her without freezing up or stuttering and I can let her hug me without wanting to hit something. That can only be a good thing, right? Gemme doesn't seem to think that erasing my memories was the right thing to do; she told me it's not who I am, and it's not the fate I was supposed to have. I think she's upset that I've lost other memories as well as this Emily girl. She got all upset when I said I didn't know who 3 doors down are, and told me that I played her some of their songs on the guitar. I didn't know what she was on about, but I've been thinking and I have this theory.
Basically, the theory is that if I wanted to get rid of this Emily girl so bad, I'd have gotten rid of anything and everything associated with her. Including music and other random memories.
I dunno why I didn't get rid of my drug addiction, though.
I wish I had.
Then again, I'd only have passed it on to Gemme, so it's probably better I didn't.
I'm out dealing at the moment, and the temptation to hide in the park and take it all myself instead of selling it is ridiculously hard to resist. There's this little voice in the back of my head going "don't do it don't do it don't do it" and then there's the rest of me going "DO IT ALREADY".
It's doing my head in.
My phone rings as I sit down on a bench to wait for the person I'm supposed to be selling to. Irritably, I pick up.
"Hello?" I mutter, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees.