Cancer: walking

After the interruption between me and Gemme, I don't really feel like talking any more. I know it's probably making Gemme uncomfortable, but silence is nice, sometimes. Especially after all the running and yelling and fighting of the last few days. We go back to the house pretty soon after and Gemme does some illusion thing to hide the house. I sit myself down in one of the arm chairs and bring my knees up to my chest the way I would in the den when I was hiding in my room on a quiet night.

I stare blankly at the floor for a while, my mind totally blank. It's like I'm asleep when I go into that state. A long, dreamless sleep. In my head at least. My body is awake, but my mind isn't. I like it like that. I can't destroy things when I'm like that. I can't say stupid things and screw things up. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I register Gemme getting up and going to the kitchen. She brings a pack of marshmallows back with her and sits on the sofa eating them. She doesn't say anything, just leaving me to it.

The thing about me going like this is I can sit like it and say nothing for hours. Literally. It was my mental haven and I went there as long as I could as many times as I could.

"Luca...?" Gemme half whispers my name. I blink and look up. It must have been at least about an hour since I last said a word. "Are you okay?" she asks, her voice not rising above that whisper. I nod and smile weakly, before resting my chin on my knees.

"You're lying. I don't need to read your mind to tell."

"Why would I lie?" I ask, dropping my feet to the floor. The silence in my mind is broken. There'll be no getting it back now I know she wants to talk. Not until later, anyway.

"Oh never mind, Luca. I'll leave you to your peace. I'm going to my room." She says, getting up. I watch as she leaves the room and consider following her, but girls don't like having people just bust in on them in their rooms, do they?

"Gemme!  Why are you going? I'm fine." I call after her, finding myself standing in the doorway of the living room. She pauses on the stairs.

"I'm going to get some peace and leave you to yours. You should try to regain the silence in your mind." I walk slowly to the bottom of the stairs.

"I'll talk if you want me to?" Girls. Why do they have to be so confusing?

"The question is: do you want to?" her mismatched eyes search my face as I stare up at her and I resist the urge to shrug, knowing the ambiguous answer would only annoy her.

"Well, sure. If you want to," I say, "I didn't mean to go all quiet on you, it's just a habit. Sorry,"

"Luca, I have nothing really to say. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." She replies, and I wonder if she's telling me the truth, or if I've upset her and she's hiding it.

"I'm fine," I repeat.

"Good.  Would you like to go for a walk? Maybe clear your mind a little?"

"Do you want to?" I ask her dubiously. What good could a walk do for clearing your mind?

"Yeah."

"Where d'you want to go?" at this, Gemme shrugs.

"Anywhere. Just... somewhere. I'll create an illusion around us so we won't be seen," I smile and reach out a hand for her, trying to coax her back down the stairs. She returns the smile and closes the distance between us, grabbing my hand. At least she closes the physical gap. Dunno what she can do about the mental one.

"Thank you," she murmurs.

"S'ok." I feel like I'm saying that a lot lately. She giggles and I look at her curiously.

"What's so funny?" I ask, keeping a hold of her hand as we leave the house. I don't know why.

"You say you hate change but you have adapted so quickly." I can't deny that this is true.

"Clearing my mind put me in a slightly better mood," I explain with a shrug. "Enjoy it while you can, I doubt I'll stay like this for long."

"I will," she grins, kissing my cheek again. Hmm. Still not sure how I feel about that. Most guys would love to have a hot girl practically all over them, but I'm beginning to think I spent far too much time on my own in the last few years. I smile awkwardly back and just concentrate on walking.

The End

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