I stood hesitantly outside Visp's door thinking back to what Lorrie said about Apex being a jerk. He wasn't. Not really but why now did everytime I look at him I felt like my chest felt empty? There were no more butterflies or slight glee at seeing him just an empty chest. I felt tears fill my eyes and my throat tighten even though that didn't effect my speech I still couldn't talk.
Taking a deep breath I shook my head. No, I couldn't let it get to me. Visp had been sad I had noticed. Over what I didn't know but I felt like I needed to cheer him up. I knocked on the door and Visp answered. For a moment he looked happy then his face went neutral. "Newt, what is it?"
'I brought you hot chocolate' I thought to him holding it up with a smile. I swear he almost smiled to but he didn't taking the cup from my hands. 'You've been sad I thought I would try and cheer you up'
"Thanks, Newt" Visp said looking at me a little confused. I frowned at that and found myself stood awkwardly in the door. Eventually Visp noticed. "Do you wanna come in?"
I nodded and walked in looking around. I decided not to sit on the bed because it was messy and perched on the side table. Visp went and sat on his bed at the end away from me. 'Are you okay, Visp?' I asked him gently not wanting to push if he didn't want to tell me.
"I'm fine" he shrugged and sipped at his hot chocolate. He looked up at me with a small smile. "This is real nice"
'Is it? I've never made it before' I thought to him then laughed quietly tugging a knee up to my chest and resting my chin on it. I watched him quietly as he drank more almost feeling at peace for once.
Visp put the empty cup down and turned to look at me an oddness in his eyes. "So... you an Apex..."
'I don't want to talk about it' I almost snapped turning my head away as tears filled my eyes. My chest tightened and I could have started blabbering right there. I couldn't though. I didn't want it to seem like Apex had hurt me as much as he did. It wasn't really his fault he liked someone else. You couldn't help who you liked.
"Okay.." Visp said and I glanced at him. He looked said and a little irritated.
I sighed and stood up. 'I made a stupid mistake. Apex likes someone else'
Visp looked up at me. "A mistake?" he questioned.
'Yeah' I sighed moving over to sit next to Visp and leaned on him. 'I should have just stuck at friends like what you and me have. How you take care of me and I will go get Lorrie to look after you'
Visp didn't say anything and after a while I stood up getting the mug. 'I hope you start feeling better soon'
I turned and left walking down the stairs into the kitchen where I quietly winced out the mug. It was so quiet. I reminded of me how things use to be back at home. The deadly silence. Then a sudden slam of a door.
"Darling, where are you?" my father would call it would always be the same sentence. Always slurred and sometimes he'd swear. I just remember the sound of his thumping footsteps as he came up the stairs. "Let me in, baby" he would chuckle as his fist hammered on the door.
By that point I'd be hiding under my bed. Sometimes he'd go off and find the key to my room then the better times he'd just drop to the floor.
The times when he got in though... "Get out here" he would rawr grabbing out at me under the bed as I tried to keep out of reach. Usually he'd catch hold of my hair then since I couldn't scream he'd drag me out the only noise his horrible drunk chuckle. "There you are" he slur standing me on my feet then grip my arms tight to hold me in place. He'd hold me so tight there would be bruises the next day.
The rest... I couldn't think about. I just remember the hits. The wails I could not make. The tears that I thought would mark my cheeks cause I cried so much.
The night I'd had enough I'd remember so well. I was fighting against my father to open the door and eventually he'd fallen asleep against it. I had stared down at my father and had felt nothing but hate. Before that there had always been something but as I had looked directly at him I had felt nothing. Nothing but the anger boiling under my skin. I had grabbed a bag quickly. I always kept one ready then had tiptoed over him. I was just gonna leave him there but then at the last minute I turned and spat down at the mess I had called a father.
Then I had left onto the streets. He never came after me and if he did he obviously didn't try hard enough. It was on the street my old name was lost and I'd started to be called Newt. My old name was burned into my skull but I never spoke it cause it was the name that man had given me. That horrible man.
It was the sound of a door that woke me from my memories but I was so far in them I sunk down and hid just under the counter as Lorrie walked in. She frowned at me. "Newt, you okay?"
I swallowed gathering together my mind before standing up. I nodded slowly and Lorrie smiled but still seemed confused. 'What do you think about carbonara for dinner tonight?' I questioned turning my back as I started to get the ingrediants.
"Sounds great, Newt, but really are you okay? You're shaking"
I looked down at my hands and then my body. I was indeed shaking. Not too much but I was. I leant on the counter burying my face in my hands allowing tears to spill forth.
"Newt..." Lorrie questioned unsure of what to do. I took a deep breath wiping my tears away angrily. I turned round to her and forced a smile.
'I will be fine. Don't worry'
Then I turned back to making the food and Lorrie left me too it. When she was gone the tears started again and I let them cause what reason did I have to hide them. I couldn't get over it. How could I?
I'd never get over what my dad did. Maybe that's why I had such crap luck with boys. I kicked the counter and regretted it cause I stubbed my toe. I leant down and rubbed it before shaking my head. I needed to focus on making dinner.