"I think it's just you that's generally fucking sexy." I blush a little. What? The only other person that's said that to me is Kyle.
"God, I'm so envious of Kyle right now."
"You're still on drugs?"
"Methadone prescription. I keep trying to get off it, but..." I trail off with a shrug. What else is there to say about that?
"Ha, I told him you'd get addicted." Oh, gee, thanks, "I used to know a drug dealer. I'm more used to drugs than you think. Though don't get me wrong, I've never had any."
"I'm only still using it because it makes heroin useless. But unless you've ever been dopesick, I doubt you'd understand."
"No, but I've seen a guy choke and die on it once. Fucked me up 'cause I was meant to be caring for him." He pauses, suddenly realising he's still undressed, "Oh Fuck!" he scrabbles to pull on his boxers and I giggle a little, earning myself a playful shove. "Oh shut up." He stands up, "I only wish you were mine. I've waited years and you end up going out with the bully. Fuck. Fuck." He shakes his head, walking into his bedroom still swearing. He picks up a shopping bag from a chair, and I sit on the bed, watching as he pulls out lube and a pair of furry handcuffs. I have to bite back a giggle at those. Were they meant for me?
"Fuck, every fucker that fucking means everything fucks off and ends up fucking the ass of the next fucker of ARGH!" He slams his fist down on the bedside table and I lean over, wrapping my arms around his waist. He freezes up at that, "Wh-wh... wha?" I pull him back so he ends up sat on the edge of the bed, cuddling him there.
"Just chill out."
"How? Just tell me how I can do that. I've been disowned by everybody and I live off the money my parents give me to keep my mouth shut! Just tell me how I can ‘chill out.'" I plant a kiss on his neck, not entirely sure what I'm doing anymore. I just want him to stop being so worked up about shit and just enjoy having me over.
"You've still got all night with me. At least relax a bit for that," I say when he stares blankly ahead of him.
"But when the night's over, you'll forget and go back to Kyle. I don't see the point of all this."
"I'm hardly going to forget. Especially if those," I point at the handcuffs, "are being involved. But it's up to you."
He picks up the handcuffs and places them in my hands. "Damien, you shouldn't be with me. Go home to Kyle." He turns away from me as I put them down on the bed behind me.
"Even if we're not gonna have sex, I'm not gonna just fuck off like that."
"Why not? You being here is torturing me and making things worse." That stings.
I shuffle back across the bed, cursing myself, "I can never fucking do anything right"
"I want you. But I want you to be mine. That'll never happen."
"Yeah well I've managed to fuck even that up, haven't I."
"Who ends up going out with the guy that spent five years making their life hell?" It's just a whole new level of being fucked up, really, isn't it?
"I don't know." He shuffles over to me, hooking his arms around me before I can even think about moving away from him again, "Damien, I didn't mean to ruin our night. I'm sorry."
I sigh a little, "Don't worry about it. I guess sexual favours probably aren't the best way to make up for being an asshole anyways." Especially reluctant ones. He kisses my cheek softly, holding me tighter. "It's okay. I forgive you." I hug back. "I wish you and Kyle all the best. As long as you're both happy," he smiles, running a hand through my hair.
"Thanks. I hope you find someone right for you soon." Like real soon.
"No. I don't plan on looking. Ever. Again." He swallows like something's caught in his throat, "I'm gonna finish my degree and tour. Get my stuff together and maybe join or start an orchestra. Love is not in my agenda." I let another little sigh slip out.
"That's up to you, man." I rest my head on his shoulder, feeling him rest his head on mine.
"I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. If you'll excuse me."I plant a kiss on his shoulder, which he returns with one on my forehead.
"D'you want me to stay?" I ask. He pauses, and then nods. I rest my head on his chest, listening to his heart as it thumps against his ribs. He cuddles, whispering a ‘thank you'. I hum a little, letting him pull me down so we're lying together. He rests a hand on my head, running it through my hair. I put an arm over him.
"Good night..." he says. I kiss his chest, his hum reverberating loudly where my head is still pressed against him. His eyes closed, but he doesn't sleep. I sort of doze, but I don't sleep either. After a while, he speaks again. "Are you still awake?"
"Mmm," I mumble, not moving.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." He sits up, "Can't sleep?" I shake my head a little, looking up at him. With a sigh, he bends down, pushing his lips on mine in a proper kiss. I hesitate a little, but my lips don't seem to want to work with my brain. I know I shouldn't kiss back, but my lips are moving without the rest of me. He kisses a little harder, biting on my lower lip. I hum, unable to hold it back. It's like I'm the easiest person to read in the whole world. He puts his arms around my neck, "Please stay in the morning," he whispers against my lips.
"I wasn't planning on leaving early," I reply quietly.
"Good, I don't want you to go." He kisses me softly between each word, and I close my eyes.
Which - of course - is when Kyle walks in. I guess I hadn't mentioned I might be out all night and he'd come looking for me.
"...Should I be suspicious right now?" he asks