We settle down on the sofa to watch a movie with a pizza that thankfully, Kyle eats. We snuggle up together, and I'm glad for the movie being on. I can get away with being quiet when there's something else to focus on.
I mean, it wasn't really a lie earlier that when I'm quiet I'm in a good mood, but I was kinda being nervous, too. I mean, he didn't seem all that impressed with me suggesting he was using me as a rebound, but I can't help wondering if I am. I need someone to rely on, not someone that's gonna fuck me over again. I think that's a pretty reasonable worry, personally.
He stops eating and I glance at him, wondering why.
"Damien, does me being a virgin matter to you?" I shake my head. Why would it matter to me? I doubt he's gonna get much out of me til my self harm's gone anyways. I mean, that can't be a turn on - fucking someone who's all cut up and gross. "Would... Would me not being a virgin anymore bother you?" I arch my eyebrow a little.
"Um... Would... Would it bother you if..."
"If you popped your cherry with Danny?" I shrug.
"Yesterday," he adds. I do my best to brush it off. I didn't really want to know that while I was having a lovely time with my family, he was fucking Danny.
"Why would it bother me?"
"I... I don't know. I just thought you might..." I look back at the film, not interested in the characters on screen anymore.
"Well that was the point of this week, wasn't it? To make sure you knew who you wanted to be with. That was yesterday. Before you decided." I'm not sure who I'm trying to convince here.
"I guess," Kyle mutters and I rest my head on his shoulder, giving him a tiny smile as he kisses the top of my head, though I'm busy pretending to be all interested in the film again. I can feel him watching me and after a couple of minutes of him watching me not watching the film, I snuggle up to him a little more, trying to get him to stop staring at me. He smiles and matches my snuggling.
It's something at least.
Doesn't last though. The moment I look back at the screen, he starts watching me again. If I wasn't high, it'd probably creep me out a whole lot more than it already is.
As the credits roll, he strokes my cheek and I look up at him, returning his smile with one of my own. He presses his lips to mine in a soft kiss and I match it, keeping up with him as he kisses a little bit harder. He puts his hands on my hips and holding back a wince as he knocks a whole load of cuts he's not seen yet, I link my hands in the small of his back.
He presses himself up against me and I have to close my eyes, holding him tighter as more of a reflex against the dull ache in my skin than anything else. He kisses my forehead and I open my eyes again. Our gazes meet and he sort of stares at me, but in a non freaky way. If that even makes sense. The guy has a bit of a thing about watching me, doesn't he?
I kiss him and he kisses back. I bury my head in his neck, humming a little as he plays with my hair. He sort of strokes it and I relax there like that. I'm happy to just fall asleep cuddling like this.
I kind of get the impression that though Kyle doesn't mind if we just cuddle, he wouldn't mind if I suddenly decided I wanted sex.
I don't, though, so falling asleep cuddling like that is exactly what I do.
Sorry, Kyle. Prepare yourself for me being a shit boyfriend.