A night on and I told Kyle to dress smart. I myself slipped on skinny black trousers, a white shirt and a black pinstripe waistcoat with black tie. Yeah, I mainly used this get-up for performances. But tonight, I thought I’d make it special. I set off, walking to the end of his street where I said I would meet him. He turned up in a white shirt and dark blue waistcoat. He asked if he was dressed smart enough and I had to hold back a laugh as I nodded. We were wearing practically the same, how embarrassing. Well, apart from I was wearing my converse... it was comfort thing.
I took his hand and we took a slow walk to the place, but it stood brightly against the dull backdrop, the chandeliers in the main dining room making it glow from the outside. I walked in and the waiter directed us to a table where a bottle of champagne sat on ice. I poured us both a drink and began to peruse the menu. His face was frozen in shock, but I couldn’t decipher if it was good or not.
"Order what you like, it's on me," I smiled as I leant over the table a little, closing my menu I tried to figure out his face. The bright light from the chandeliers made his hair glisten and glow blindingly. His deep green eyes glistened as he looked up at me from the menu as he spoke.
"Uh... thanks,” he smiled and I was still unsure if he was happy or not. He seemed a little distant, but that was my opinion.
"Yeah, I'm just not used to places like this." Ahh, well that would explain it. Our family... no. Mary and Jack had a bit of money, but they never spent it on housing. They spent it on flash restaurants and school. They didn’t see the point of big houses but they liked to live in luxury.
"You should start to,” I smiled, trying to make him feel comfortable, though I don’t know how well I was doing. To say he wanted to be back with me, he didn’t seem very happy.
He gave a nervous laugh and that was when my face just plummeted. I was trying my very hardest to make him feel comfortable and happy, I tried not to sigh. "I don't think I could."
"I'm not posh or rich enough." Well, the whole point is I was going to treat you often but... I think he missed that, anyway, to change the subject.
"Yes well, I wanted to speak to you about that," the waiter came over and I ordered, waiting for Kyle to turn back to me with a curious expression before I continued. "Well, they've wiped my attack in school from the record, putting it forward as an 'uncharacteristic, provoked outburst' and the teacher was simply in the way of the fight."
"That's good, right?"
"Yeah, but because they dismissed it I managed to get into a music academy and I have a performance scheduled here next week."
"The academy's in New York." He was quiet and my face dropped a little more as I sipped my drink, I expected a little more from him other than silence. "I'm sorry, have I done something to upset you?"
"Oh, no, it's just... New York?" Oh, so he was listening. I still felt a little cautious toward him, though I was trying.
"Yeah, I know. I'm not going to accept,” which pains me more than leaving him. Even without Kyle I still had my music. I had always had music and to be accepted into Julliard was perfect. But if I left Kyle now I would lose him forever. Luckily, if I didn’t take it this year I had another chance next. They gave me that period due to the fact I had been in hospital. Yes.
"Why not?" Well, you sorta answered that for yourself earlier.
"It's what you want, though." He had no idea, everything revolved around my violin it meant everything to me and this was just the highlight of my life. I know this sounds harsh but, please don’t hate me.
"More than anything. But I still don't want to leave you," I ate my food, savouring the taste. After all, I didn’t really care about the presentation. I just wanted
"Danny, you should go. It's what you want and I'm not gonna stop you from taking that chance."
"But I want you too." I avoided mentioning Damien, though I knew exactly what would happen, love... he didn’t love me. Not truly, he wasn’t the one if you get what I’m on about... if you believe in that sort of thing.
"We can still be together,” he smiled and I shook my head, no, love long distance never works. I know that all too well.
I wanted to talk more but I just remained silent, finishing my plate I sat there, watching him patiently. But not staring, I know that’s rude. So, after he had, had enough of picking at his food he pushed the plate away from him and I paid the bill. Well, this wonderful night was a fucking disaster. When we got outside I began walking, blocking him off again. I had tried my fucking best and he shut me off!
"You've been distant all night and I just think this whole night has just crashed and burned,” I murmured exasperatedly. I was so close to just giving up and pushing him to Damien. I obviously couldn’t make him happy.
"It's not. I just... I don't know what's up with me,” he sighed and I knew exactly what was wrong with him, his heart still ached for Damien, like a sheep that had lost its fucking shepherd.
"Yeah, me either, but y'know what? I tried my best. I think... you helped me though. I'm going to take that place." He smiled and I shook my head, "I might as well do this now then," I stopped and turned slamming my lips into his, waiting a few moments for him to enjoy it before pulling away. My arms wrapped around him and as I nestled my head into his neck I whispered softly, "I'm leaving you... forever."
"I'm going to Julliard. I'm gonna tour the world and perform. I'm going to find someone and live happily ever after. Sorry," I have dreams too Kyle and I felt like none of them lay here. I kept my arms around him and pulled him close to me.
“Danny...” he murmured and I was silent, “No...” I found my arms tightening around him, my head nestled into his shoulder. He shook his head and I turned my head away from his neck, looking out into the distance. “No, I don’t believe you.”
“Kyle...” I whispered, “it’s true.” But he still thrashed his head and I heard him sniffle slightly and his neck tensed. He was biting back tears. I knew it.
“No,” he muttered and I kissed his neck, whispering his name softly as I lifted my head to kiss his cheek. “Danny, please, I’ll do anything!” He begged, but he couldn’t do anything. These dreams, they had to take wing. I was coming up to being eighteen and my life was about to start for real. I didn’t want to lose this chance. I told him this; I explained how it wasn’t his fault. How, he couldn’t do anything. I’m not sure it made anything better.
He continued to beg me and I used all my will not to cry but he had broken, tears spilled down his cheeks and I shook my head softly. “Please, Danny. I’ll do anything,” he repeated. I didn’t know how else to explain it. Kyle, please, listen to me!
I closed my eyes, my arms pulling him close to me as I kissed his cheek again, moving round to his lips I softly brushed them. I pulled away, looking him in the eyes and running one hand through his hair, the other wiping away his tears. "It's just something in my heart I have to follow..." My hand stayed on his cheek, my thumb moving in soft strokes as I caressed just below his eye.
“Please,” he murmured and the desperation in his voice was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I kissed his forehead and sobbed, trying my best to stay strong.
"Kyle. You'll be okay; it's not your fault. You'll be able to move on and follow your own dreams!" I almost shouted, exasperated that we hadn’t gotten anywhere. I pulled away from him, my hands reaching his I clenched them firmly.
“I don’t want to move on.” Oh. Kyle.
He stood there silent for a moment, then shook his head still trying to comprehend that I was leaving and this time he wouldn’t be able to get me back. "I love you,” a sharp knife stabbed at my stomach and I felt sick. No, no... Kyle. Please...
I nodded simply and wiped away my own tears before grabbing his hands again, my forehead on his as I closed my eyes. "I love you too."
"Why can't we work something out?" He sniffled and I sighed, sick of explaining, sick of his love hurting so much. Sick of not being able to run away properly.
"Because, I don't belong here. My heart is leading me somewhere else." I opened my eyes again and looked away from him, taking a step back I remained holding tightly onto his hands, holding them out between us. "I have to let go."
I looked his eyes as the tears spilled over. I wiped them away and kissed his hot cheek. "One last night, Kyle." He sniffled and I was silent, I didn’t want his last night with me to be painful but I took his hand and led him back to mine.
As soon as I opened the door and let him in he kissed me and I kissed back, determined to make this mean something as I closed the door behind him. He clung to me desperately and I stopped in my tracks. "Kyle... would you let me... do you trust me?" He nodded and I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him softly, moving slowly. "Don't cry. I don't want to make you cry."
He wiped away his tears and I led him upstairs. I was careful and gentle and I never let my lips leave his. It pained me more that in the corner of my bedroom sat the suitcase already packed. It was bigger than last time and held more stuff. But as the sun rose over the horizon I had to swallow back tears.
I slipped from his arms, slipped from the covers and dressed silently. I pulled the covers around his fragile naked form and kissed his cheek, running my hand through his bleach blonde hair, wishing he had his eyes open so I could see those sparkling emeralds one last time. I picked up my suitcase and left the door; I took the spare key and headed to the train station. I lied. I had already taken the spot. I was ready to leave.