I stayed curled up on the couch for God knows how long. Evidently it was long enough for Damien to go out and come back with pizza and a brighter mood. He offered me some pizza and I shook my head, ignoring the quiet rumble of my stomach.
"C'mon man, you gotta eat something"
"I don't" I mumbled.
I curled up even more, trying to disappear into myself.
"I'll sit on you"
I didn’t say anything, almost wishing he’d go away. And then he sat on me.
"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.
"Sitting on you. I will sit on you until you fucking eat something"
"You're gonna be sitting on me for a long time, then"
"Why won't you eat?"
"I don't deserve to"
"Sure you do"
"Yeah, when I start being a decent human being"
He prodded my cheek.
"Why are you here, Damien?"
"I needed to be around someone, but I didn't realise that everyone's suddenly just as fucked up as me"
I kept quiet.
"Dude, he left you, but it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it is, but it's not, y'know?" he said, eating some of his pizza.
"I love him"
"And I love Phil. But I've not shut myself up and starved myself have I?"
I kept quiet again.
"Actually. I'm not really one to talk am I? But whatever. The point is I'm okay now"
"You can still see Phil, though" I mumbled.
"No I can't. He's in a rehab unit half way across the country"
"Doesn't mean you can't see him. Danny doesn't want anything to do with me anymore"
He shrugged. "Danny'll come around"
"He won't. I've fucked things up too many times for that"
"You just have to prove you won't fuck up anymore"
"You think I haven't tried?"
"I think you haven't tried hard enough"
"What else can I do? I don't know how to make it up to him. I don't know how to prove myself"
"Why're you asking me?"
Why was I asking him?
"I'd say keep away from me, since I seem to be the reason you keep fucking up but..." he paused, mumbling under his breath "I don't want you to"
I looked up a tiny bit. "What?"
He kind of looked away and I waited for him to answer me.
"I said I don't want you to" he said, embarrassed.
He pulled a sulky face and put the pizza box on the table, crossing his arms. I was more than willing to wait. He scowled.
"I don't have anyone. I don't want to be left on my own again"
I bit my lip a little. He was clearly embarrassed again.
"I... I don't want to be on my own either"
He glanced at me. "Probably not the best idea to be with me though, is it?"
"You're the only person I have left..."
"You've got Danny. You just need to convince him that you're not gonna fuck off with me the moment he's asleep"
"He doesn't want me"
"No one does" I said quietly when Damien was silent.
"I would, but you're off limits"
"Aside from the fact that you and Danny need to sort things out, what about school?"
"What about school?"
"What're people gonna do when they see you're not picking on me anymore?"
I shrugged. "I don't care what they do. Nothing worse can possibly happen to me"
"Do I really need to remind you what's happened to me because of those people?"
"I might actually feel something that way"
He hugged me and I sort of hugged back. He nestled his head in my neck and I sighed.
“Damien, would... Would you let me kiss you again?”