I got discharged a week after that, apparently I had made a miraculous recovery and they could see nothing keeping me in. I had a bandage round my waist anyhow, and as I changed into my own clothes and threw away the paper dress I sighed. Now what? I suppose I could go back into school, I wouldn’t plead with them to take me back, I’d go somewhere else. There had to be another high school somewhere. Oh, Kyle.
I pretended that I had given him a second... third chance, but who could really start fresh after that? Chances don’t just go and you get a new one things are damaged on the way. I sighed inwardly and grabbed my personal belongings which had been put into my school bag. I grabbed my violin after my bag was slung over my shoulder. I emerged and walked back to the ward I had come from. I opened the door and walked in, hoping it wasn’t too early.
“Hey, Damien?” I murmured careful not to wake the other people. God knows what they must’ve thought with the drama we had played in the last few weeks. He sighed a little, but didn’t look up. So, he wanted me to know he was up, but he couldn’t look me in the eye. "Have you thought on it yet... my offer?"
"I dunno. Campbell told me not to get my hopes up of finding, or persuading Phil to come,” I thought that Campbell was meant to help him. I understand that a dose of reality would be good but people need dreams too.
"You'll find him. Persuading him? There'd be no persuading involved you love each other!" He said nothing and I realised I was not here to get into another argument. I sighed, "Okay, I'll uh, see you when you're discharged?"
"Sure," he still didn’t turn around and began to fiddle with the hem of his blanket, sort of making me feel sorry for him. I bent down slowly and kissed his cheek, pushing back his hair with a sigh.
"I never meant you any wrong, sorry." I lingered for a moment before turning to walk away, “see you around,” I gestured with my hand a half-hearted farewell, knowing he wasn’t looking at me. I couldn’t make out what he whispered back, I guess it’s not important. I probably never would see him around.
I left the hospital with my hand tightly wound around the handle; I noticed Kyle and I stood and took a deep breath of the polluted air. It was so much better than that bleached clean air inside. I started walking, hearing his footsteps close behind mine. I didn’t speed up, but I didn’t wait either. I kept walking. “Wait up!” He called and I stopped, waiting for him to do so before walking again.
I don’t honestly know why I was being so ignorant. I guess I just didn’t want to start another argument on my first day out. The hospital tried to keep me in to treat my depression, I managed to tell them it was because I lost Kyle and now I had him again. I dunno how I did it because now I just didn’t care if he was mine or not. He was... a traitor, a backstabber a liar and a cheat. I guess I didn’t really like him. One day I’d tell him this.
“You okay, man?” Yeah, man. ‘Course, man. Pfft, I couldn’t tell him no, I couldn’t tell him that I wish he would just go off and perhaps, just maybe, succeed where I failed. I guess the week that passed with him constantly by my bedside had ruined the relationship we had. I suppose, the milk had soured. He tried to put his arm round my shoulders; I let him though I gave him a quick glare.
"What did I do?" The question provoked an almost irresistible urge but I kept my lips shut. Replying, 'well, it was close to being Damien,' was extremely childish. I kept going and he frowned, the cuteness of his lips slowly tugging downwards at his displeasure had left, I didn’t care. "Tell me"
I stopped, turned to him and sighed, "I think you already know."
"...I do?" Oh come now, don’t be naive. Don’t be stupid, I know you’re not. Not really, you must be able to put this one together Kyle.
"Yeah. You do."
"Remind me, then,” I take it back he really is a fucking dumb-ass.
I growled, "Give me a D! Give me an A! Give me a M! Oh, I'm sure you know the rest," I gave a fake high-pitched chuckle as my face dropped again and I kept walking. I didn’t see his reaction, I had turned away from him. The thought of crashing at his sent a shudder down my spine and I put my spare hand into my pocket and checked my wallet with my finger, good, money."I think I'm gonna check into a hotel."
"Why?" Stupid... how...stupid?
Okay, I think something in me just snapped. I pivoted on my heel to face him and began laughing hysterically. "You think I can bare to face you, to touch your disgusting... sickening... grotesque body, lips, clothes? Heck, just your shadow repulses me," I looked at the floor and jumped back away from his long reaching shadow.
“Danny...” he sort of whimpered, the puppy in his-self coming forth again. I’ve never kicked a puppy before, but now I really wanted to. I looked at him silently, he deserved at least a second of my time. Perhaps one tenth of a second.
"Why... What can I do to make it up to you?" Hmm...
"Well. The first time I forgave you, you made it up to me by running back to him again. Then to make me forgive you again you got him to come up with something...Hmm...Let me give that one a fucking ponder."
"Please fucking what? Please doesn't solve anything. Please Kyle, don't go with him. Please Kyle, don't kiss him. Please Kyle, don't slip into his bed while I'm led unconscious from an internal bleed that you caused by making me so damn upset that I decided my life would look better on the front of a speeding train.”
"I'm sorry." Haha, he’s joking right?
"Sorry? Oh don't get me started with that word."
"Please, Danny. I really am sorry." So you use them both. Together. The hysterical laughter was back, but this time I managed to confine it to my head.
"Oh?" There was just the tiniest hint of disbelief in my voice. Just a little bit.
“I’m sorry, for everything.”
“Yeah?” Okay, is it wrong for me to play him along as if he had any chance in hell of me going back to me? I’d say only when hell freezes over but even the odds for that were too great. He nodded and I shook my head. "Okay. Now what do you expect to happen? Me to forgive you, kiss you, hold you and we go skipping back to your place where you can look after me and I can protect you and we can live happily ever after?"
“Maybe the part where you kiss me...” this kid’s delusional.
“I don’t know where you’ve been.” He looked hurt almost like a... kicked puppy.
I spat on the ground and turned, walking away from him. Probably for the last time, who knows, I mean I doubt I’ll be moving anytime soon.