I kept my eyes on the ceiling for a while. He was right, there were patterns in it. I studied them for a while with Damien, neither of us saying anything. I watched him for a while instead but he didn’t really notice. He stretched a bit, still watching the ceiling.
"So how long have you known Campbell?"
He thought about it for a moment. "Too long"
"And how long is too long?"
"Dunno. Nearly five years"
"How much of that's my fault?"
He shrugged. "you weren't the reason I started seeing him"
"Why did you?"
"I was always kinda fucked up, really. Not sure why. I used to bite my lips til they bled and hit things til I broke my knuckes, that kinda thing. My mom tried to put me in therapy when I was about ten, but Campbell's the only one I've ever gotten along with. He was the one that suggested I start drumming"
I felt a tiny smile push onto my lips and Damien looked at me. We looked at each other.
"Why d'you care, though?" he asked.
"Wanted to know more about you"
"Dunno... you spent the last five or six years picking on me. Just kinda weird that you care"
"I didn't mean any of the stuff I said, y'know"
"Yeah, I didn't know that at the time, though"
I didn’t say anything to that. What is there to say to that?
"Still, it wasn't just you" he shrugged and I stayed quiet.
I opened my mouth to say something when he was quiet as well but changed my mind.
"Damien..." I said after a while.
"Why..." I paused and let out a tiny sigh. "Can I come sit with you?"
He shifted up and I moved from the chair to the bed, putting my head on his shoulder when he leant on me. He let out a hum and I felt myself almost smile as I thanked him.
"I know I already asked this but what made you take drugs in the first place?"
"My happiest memories are all times I was high. I dunno about you, but I think that's reason enough in itself"
My face pulled into a slight upset expression but Damien didn’t see. I let out a sigh.
"What?" he asked.
I knew he didn’t believe me so I kept quiet again. Yeah, for about a minute, maybe.
"Damien?" I said quietly.
I opened my mouth to say something but changed my mind. "Nevermind"
"Just say it"
"I forgot what I was gonna say. It's nothing"
"Liar. Just say it"
I didn’t say anything. It was stupid and way more than likely to get me into trouble. I was just emotional and he was there for me, that was all.
"Whatever, man" he said and shut his eyes.
"Would... Would it be okay if I kissed you?"
"Why would you wanna do that?"
"I... I don't know..."
"Sure go ahead"
I leant over and kissed him a little nervously, kissing harder when he kissed back. He matched it and I pulled back, kind of blushing.
"You're cute when you blush, y'know"
"So I've been told"
He closed his eyes again. "I'm sure you have"
"Don't see it myself"
"No one ever sees themselves as cute"
"I guess not"
He looked a little bit sleepy and I stroked his cheek. He smiled a little and I didn’t it again but I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing. He leant his head on my shoulder and I kissed the top of his head. He cuddled up to me and I slipped an arm round his shoulder. He fell asleep and I looked at him, wondering why I kissed him. It was just because I was an emotional wreck, wasn’t it?