Me and Natalie talked for ages and I couldnt help but tease her about being jealous. The reason being that everytime I did she blushed in the most adorable way and fell speechless.
I now found myself sorting through the small amount of clothing I'd brought on this a little disapointed in myself. Of course I didnt expect to be going on a date but that didnt mean there had been no chance of my going on the date. Although, I was more thinking about escaping my crazy home life.
So instead of depressing myself more by what I would be wearing on my first date since... since Stacey's death. Well, I went and had a shower letting the water pour over me. I felt it breaking away the cold stone shield I had built over the memories of Stacey. I felt myself break down. Falling to my knees I buried my face in my hands.
I remember her first birthday I'd only been 3 years old but the memory stuck in my mind like glue. The way before blowing the candles she had gestured at me wailing for me to come over. Then I'd have racing over jumping into a seat so our mother could place her in my lap.
Stacey then gazed up at me and together we took a deep breath before turning to the cake. We let out a large blow and once the candle flickered out Stacey began clapping her hands happily. Her giggles rang out causing the whole family to laugh. Me I turned her in my lap and hugged her with all my might.
Forcing myself out of the shower. I stumble around to shower and dress. I mean I have to meet Natalie in the foyer.
I make my way down shoving my hands in my pockets and staring at the ground hard as I walk. Am I really doing the right thing? Which is when I saw her. Natalie was stood gazing around with her wide olive green eyes searching.... searching for me.
I felt guilty I was doubting but I came to a halt out of her line of sight. Could I do this? Could I really? I said I was able to move on. I had acted like it. Hell, I was trying to force her to move on.
I stepped back. My body felt numb as I turned on my heals and walked away. I left her there. Waiting. She was waiting for me not knowing I wouldnt show up. I wonder how long she would wait.