I've always been classified as the person that my friends would come to when they needed help or assistance, someone to guide them out of of their problems. But right now, hearing Ash's story, I felt so completely lost on how to do the same with him. I'd never been this way, I always tried my best to help my friends and the ones I loved and cared about but with Ash it would be harder.
That day, when I saw the news about the girl who'd been kidnapped and murdered, I had the same thought go through my mind that I usually had for other similar stories that I'd heard. Poor girl...why is the world this way? But there's much more meaning to the people who are involved in such accidents, the people whose lives change because of this. How was I to know that I would meet one such person?
He blames himself for what happened to his family and to his sister though its not his fault. I crouched down next to him, placing my one free hand on his shoulder softly. "Ash..." I wanted to say more, to tell him the words that started to form on my mind. But I didn't get the chance. He kissed me again, running his hands through my hair as his eyes closed with tears streaming down them that I so desparately wanted to end.
I tried to stay still, knowing that if I made the wrong move now it would only mean I would hurt Ash more. But when he pulled me closer to him, his one arm wrapping around my waist and crushing my body against his, I couldn't take it anymore. It was a part of my reflexes I couldn't push aside.
I squirmed close to him, trying to move away as a struggle broke within me of something completely different. Don't do this Nat! I could hear myself screaming inside as my hands fought with themselves, one trying to reach out to pull Ash closer to me while the other wanted to create as much distance possible.
But I didn't have enough time to fix the mistake I'd done. Ash immediately let go, tearing himself away as he stood up, leaving me staring up at him in shock.
"It's fine. I'll just leave."
There was so much I could say in those seconds that I saw Ash walk out my room without even looking back on me once. I could have jumped up to my feet, run to him and apologised for my behavior. I could have kissed him again, this time with a fake act. And I could've done many other crazy things. But I didn't. For the simple fact that it would be against the rules I'd set deep within myself to protect me.
I don't know how long it took for me to come to my senses but at one point during the late evening, I found myself walking to Ash's room after checking from the receptionist where he stayed. I paused before knocking, going over the speech that I had prepared in my head.
Taking a deep breath, I rapped on the door loud enough for him to hear. Footsteps sounded and the door jerked open. Looking up into Ash's face, my mind seemed to clear. I lost everything I'd wanted to say. Closing my eyes tightly, I whispered timidly, "Can I come in?"