"I..." I slumped down to sit on the floor images of yesterday and early this morning sparking in my mind. The was the guide, Mellissa, had cornered me in reception. The way she'd caught me and dragged me into her room when I spotted Natalie beginning to chase after her. I sighed heavily pushing a hand back through my hair. "I dont really know how to explain it"
"You were with that tour guide weren't you?" she said calmly but her voice cracked at the end. I looked up at her seeing tears brimming in her eyes. Natalie looked as much confused as I was about her tears. Was this really getting to her in the way I think it was?
"Yes, she.... lets just say she thought I wanted something from her that I honestly didnt" I whisper shivering with disgust at the memory.
"She wanted to sleep with you?" she whispers her voice thick with what sounds like pain. I look at Natalie. Her olive green eyes so open. So innocent and beautiful. No wonder I like her. She's not like any other girl I've met. She's sweet and kind but different. She's seen lifes harsh reality.
"Yes" I whisper. "But I didn't"
"You were in her room though" she whispers confused and I reach out to put a hand on her face.
"I didnt do anything. I swear on my life" I whisper. I stroke her cheek softly with my thumb and I hear her breathing increase. I watch the rise and fall of her chest. The cherry blossom coloured blush on her cheek which makes her look absolutely adorable.
"How can I believe you when you're hiding things from me?" she says bluntly. I wince painfully. In one way she's right.
"If I tell you... will you trust me?"
"I... I cant be sure but I'll try" she says firmly. I nod slowly feeling the ache begin to gnawn at my heart as I let the barriers down. Allow myself to remember everything. From the moment I turned my back on her to seeing that monster only get a life scentence in prison.
"Do you remember that girl on the tv about 4 or 5 months ago? The one who got kidnapped in a shopping centre and was found dead"
"Yeah" Natalie says seeming to become figetty.
"That was my sister" I whisper my voice breaking. The tears begin to fall and I let my face drop into my head my body shaking with the sobs that escape my lips. "I was the stupid brother that left her alone for just a moment giving that monster a chance to take her. I watched my family fall apart. I watched my dad turn to violence and alcohol. Then my turn to alcohol through her depression. I watched my family rip apart after that thing was only giving a life scentence in prison"
Natalie falls quiet her breathing shakey and I look up to see her wide eyes. Fulled with what can only be pity. I look away feeling sick. I know she can barely understand and I know she knows that as well.
I can tell this is something she never expected to hear. Something she didnt even think about cause she thought it couldnt be that. "Ash" she whispers kneeling down on the floor next to me and putting a delicate hand on my shoulder. Just a simple word from her lips. She speaks my name and I feel my body relax.
Oh god.... I'm in love with her. I stare into her beautiful olive eyes. I cant stop myself. I kiss her. Tears slipping out of my now closed eyes. Allowing my fingers to run through her beautiful hair.
Please. Please dont push me away I couldnt bear it.