anyone -- I'm just your typical teenage girl who believes that unicorns are real.

Dear Diary,

Yesterday Burt accidentally smooshed my kitten with his foot and we had to have a funeral in the backyard. Mom made cookies so that after the service we could eat them and talk about how the kitten, we didn't have a chance to name her yet, had made our lives really awesome. She did the same thing when grampa died, but this time no one cried or said anything about being touched in the naughty place by that son of a bad-word-i'm-not-allowed-to-say-cause-I'll-go-to-hell. Burt said I can have a new kitten and that he promises to be careful. If he smushes the next one I'm going to ask for a big dog that will be almost impossible to step on. I really really like puppies.

xoxo Margaret

Dear Diary,

I'm going to give you a pea to try. I think they taste like bad snot but you tell me what you think. It will be between pages 12 and 13.

xoxo Margaret

Dear Diary,

If a train is travelling from St. Louis to Chicago at 45 mph and leaves at 2:30 pm and another train travels from Chicago to St. Louis at 74 mph and leaves at 3 pm at what time will passengers on both trains be able to look directly above them in the sky and see me riding the most super beautiful flying unicorn anyone has ever ever seen with a rainbow mane and a horn that is filled with a clear liquid and sparklies like a snowglobe? P.S. I need the answer really quick.

xoxo Margaret

 

Dear Margaret,

You are an idiot.

xoxo Diary

 

 

 

 

 

 

The End

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