Look, I know we had some rough times, having you chase demonic polar bears into cages for your "Hunters" story, and having you kill the king of the Nexus, but why do you have to be so goddamn arrogant? Seriously! YOU KILLED YOUR FRIEND! (ironically, his name was Kenny).
Also, I want to know why you do random push-ups every time you hear an assassinated president's name. Does murder get you off or something? Whatever, it's not really any of my business.
Darren, it wasn't my power to have you killed in my story "Disenchanted", but, you were just too complicated and the villain in that story loves sorrow. He's much like The Soldier in a way. Too bloody evil.
Why don't you want to be a Hunter anymore? I thought you loved killing mythical creatures. All you said was, "I'm with Ezrith man. I hate adventures." You sat by his side and ate your entire weight in FRIED CHICKEN!!!
Look, Darren, to put it plain and simple, I'm done trying to write you into a story. Don't ask anymore.
Your former author,
(the darkness shall not be rejected)
P.S. Where is Fluffy's food and water bowl?