Hello Ash, it's been a long time hasn't it? Yes I know you're grumpy, hardly a day goes by where I dont hear you snarling at me from some deep dark cavern of my mind where you've taken to hiding yourself. Not that I blame you, I think I've screwed up your good looks for a long while ... but that's not the point.
Alright, so it's been a while since I've written anything in your story. Well what do you expect, it's a collaborative and one of our collaborators appears to have vanished. I'm surprised, I wouldn't have thought you'd want to get it going again after all I'm planning on doing to you? Or do you just want to get it over with? Probably the latter knowing you, honestly for someone who's supposed to be brave you are such a coward! You know you could have avoided half this trouble if you'd just listened to me, right? But no, you wanted to do your own thing and look where it's landed you!
Why are you complaining anyway? You know you're going to get a happy ending (Elo won't let me get away with a nasty one), so why don't you just suck it up and deal with it eh? Be a man for once! What's the point in a story if there's not some trials? And no, I do not pick on you more than the others. Their authors are just nicer than me ... to a certain extent. And come on, you've got to admit, not all of your little makeover was so bad was it?
Rhetorical question by the way.
In short, stop yowling at me, shut your trap and put up with it. You'll get your happy ending, just be patient. No point trying to protest, I'm weilding the pen in this situation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'll get you Life Insurance. Deal?