Why You Should NEVER Argue With Your Author

Razi writes in bold, Sapphire writes in normal. 

R - Ow!

S - What? What happened this time?

R - You may well ask.

S - I just did. Why are you complaining?

R - Oh, nothing. Apart from the fact that last night you, instead of letting me go into that lovely hotel, decided that I needed to spend another night in the streets asleep in some back alley. And now I hurt all over.

S - Do I really need to remind you that you are on the run from the police and almost everyone knows your face? You'd be caught as soon as you stepped inside.

R - And why am I on the run?

S - *fidgets* Because I wrote you to be?

R - I don't care whether you wrote me like that or not! I'm not a puppet, I'm a person!

S - I may have to disagree with you there.

R - You're saying I'm not a person?

S - No, I am saying that while you are not a puppet, you have to follow my storyline or I may just have something major to do with the police finding you here.

R - You wouldn't.

S - I would.

R - You can't!

S - Why not?

R - Because... Because... Just because!

S - That's not a very good reason, you know.

R - Why don't you stop acting all high and mighty and see what this is like for yourself!

S - Because I am the author and you are the character. And it is the job of the author to write the story and the job of the character to follow that story.

R - (decides to change the subject) Whatever. What kind of name is Razi anyway?

S - You never looked it up? 

R - I haven't had time, what with all the running and hiding and whatnot.


S - (gives Razi a -_-  look) FYI-

R - FYI?

S - (facepalm) Why did I have to write such an annoying character? FYI, it means 'secret'. I thought it was appropriate.

R - Wha-? Why am I called Secret?! Couldn't you come up with a better name, like one that means Pretty or Attractive or Amazing-

S - Right. That's it. I'm getting the police down here.

R - What?! No! I didn't mean it!

S - (opens the correct Writer document) Now lets see... A pair of policemen, both young and just starting their shift, hear someone yelling. They run down the alley and find Razi screaming at a young girl of about thirteen, hovering in mid air. They don't look at the floating figure for more than an instant though, because they have found the person they have been looking for.

Police#1 - Aha! Gotcha.

Police#2 - (puts handcuffs on Razi) You'll pay now, young missie.

(The pair drag her away, whilst Razi is screaming curses at both of them. Then she turns to Sapphire.)

R - I'll kill you for that!

S - (smugly) I doubt it. That is why you should never argue with your author.

The End

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