You started it. You're the one that got the others talking. You're the one that incited them to start bugging me incessantly. You were the first one to raise your voice against me. Oh, don't you play all innocent with me. You know what you've done and you know you deserve what you're getting! You're a pest, you're a sneak, you're a loud-mouthed, self pitying little wretch. You complain needlessly about the stuff that happens to you.
Well I'm in charge here, so shut it and listen!
You think I'm being unfair in sending you off on a long adventure. Well why do you think it's called an adventure story stupid! What were you expecting, a picnic in the park? And don't start complaining that didn't get enough food, I made sure you stayed alive didn't I? Your accomodation wasn't so bad either, a couple of inns, an empty hut. As far as I recall you only had to sleep in the open once, and it was in summer! You can't really complain about that can you?
And as for your travelling companions, don't get me started on them. You don't even have any. Getting lonely you say? Well that's what the horse is for mate, you talk to that. You're lucky I even let you have a horse, or do you want to walk the whole way on foot? Didn't think so.
One more little thing. You complain I injure you too much. All I did was drop you off a ride, it wasn't even that high! All you got were some bruises, you should consider yourself lucky that I didn't decide to break your scrawny neck! I will next time, mark my words, just be quiet and put up with it will you? You're supposed to be a hero, not some whiny coward!
You were my first proper character that I ever created. Pity I can't really remember your name - you had many, I got bored each time and gave you a new one within about two weeks of each other - but you were definitely one of my most irritating creations. You ought to take note of the antics of your fellow inmates in my brain.
They know what I can do. You ought to learn fast.
Any more complaints? No? Excellent.
I thought that might shut you up.