El: Can I just say, I think you're pretty cruel.
Me: Really? Well, I've never been told that before. *sarcastic laugh*
El: No, but I mean ... well, if you were gonna make something like that happen you could have at least done it before I got attached to everything human in this world, before I wanted to be me for ever and ever.
Me: I didn't think it was such a good thing. You were always complaining. Not pretty enough, not clever enough, didn't stand out in a crowd ... El, I was only trying to help you. And now you're complaining?
El: Stand out in a crowd? Stand out in a bloody crowd? There's a difference between being completely unnoticed and being a fecking freak like I am now, Del!
Me: Yeah, but ... hey, did you notice that our names rhyme?
El: That's really not relevant right now. Please, can you just concentrate?
Me: Sorry. You should know by now that I get distracted pretty easily.
El: Well, could you possibly be distracted from wrecking my whole life every now and again? If it weren't bad enough that you made Mathew wait a whole fortnight before telling me what I wanted to know, you only had to make it something that I seriously didn't want to hear.
Me: Yes, but surely that's better than him waiting a fortnight only to say, "Oh, by the way, I've got blonde hair". I mean, that would have been the most anticlimactic climax ever.
El: That was the climax? Not tearing me from my family, putting me on the run, having me abducted and then making me try and explain to my other relatives just why it was Mum had never told them the truth about me? None of that was the climax?
Me: Well. When you put it like that ...
El: Forget it, Del. I don't want to talk to you any more. Just leave me alone. Let me get on with my life.
Me: Without me you wouldn't have a life!
El: Well, maybe that would have been better. Just maybe that would have been better.