So many feelings

Wait. Wait! This is going too fast.

Reason, where are you? Brain, where have you gone? Mind, why are you being such a hag?

Damn you, sun. Damn you, green on the trees. Damn you, beautiful white flats of Israel. You blind my eyes, which are still full of hate from the last time reason abandoned my actions.

And you, wind, why do you lift me up into the sky? There isn't a cloud to hold on to in that sea of blue, I'm afraid I will fall right down as soon as reason comes home.

Who stole you, reason, my friend? Who kidnapped you in the middle of the night? I was wide awake, how could I have let them?

Oh, wind, why do you make my hair fly around my head, as if I were Medusa the Gorgon herself? The myths lie, I know that. Medusa was a beautiful creature, cursed by someone's jealousy a long time ago. She fell in love with Perseus. She fell in love, and it was the end of her. Do you, wind, compare me to her?

Am I in love?

Sweet flowers, you hypnotize me with your colours. I want to be as beautiful as you. I feel as if I am. Am I?

I don't understand. Why is the world twirling? Where am I? This could hardly be real. At one point I sit in a comfortable chair, laughing, twirling my hair, looking at a smile, and the other the cold floor is more accomodating than a bed of roses, and I'm smiling, wondering, thinking, about another smile.

At one moment I'm staring at the sea. I'm standing on the water. Under my feet it's the colour of one's eyes. The other moment I'm walking over the rocks, the picturesque brown rocks. Under my feet they're the colour of another's eyes.

Oh, heart, why must you torment me so? There are only two things on my mind now, and when I lie down on the couch or sit on the balcony with my stack of drawing paper and my pencil and I can't draw anything other than birds flying, angels laughing, hearts bursting with happiness, women playing the pianoforte, men playing guitar, I blame you, my heart.

I wish I could hate you. You will cause pain to someone dear to me soon enough, and I wish I could already hate you for it.

Oh, sea, carry me away. Find the shell wherein Aphrodite arrived on Earth long ago, so that I may sit in it. And take me away, into the sun, the hot embrace of Helios.

The End

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