BrokenMature

Katrina "Sidewinder" Mojave

I couldn't stop watching that video, over and over....and over. Each time I'd bite my knuckles till I drew blood, it wasn't how he should have found his end. Hell he'd always been there for me from the very beginning when I joined my air wing. The only reason he wasn't the squadron leader was because he always got into a beef or something that would halt his up coming promotion. He always said that he liked flying on someones wing, he liked having people depend upon him. Why'd he have to talk to me through that stupid camera....leave me those haunting thoughts. 

All I could think that was Young and I were the last people on his mind. That we were his only bit of hope as his head left his shoulders and rolled across that dirt and blood covered floor. His husk slumping over as I hit the pause button then rewound it all the way to the beginning. 

"Mojave...I'm sorry. I know you've got to be worried sick about me...like you always are. Don't worry, after this...you'll at least know what happened to me." He gave a weak smile as he continued. "And Young, you sorry bastard. I'm just sad that we can't toss back some more shots, getting your ass wasted." He laughed softly. "Listen man, I know some how some way you'll hear this. Hug Mojave when you see her, do it for me and for her. She's always fancied you....And don't you ever...EVER stop fighting against these sons a' bitches-" 

I pressed the pause button and sat frozen, tears pouring off my face and a thousand cries getting stuck halfway out of my throat. Fingers trembling, I touched his digitalized face that was immortalized for me to stare at. The pain and utter loss of hope in his eyes knowing that he wasn't getting out of that room alive. "Why..." I choked, slamming my bloody fist into the wall. "You stupid bastard! Why did you have to die?!" I trembled as my legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor.

"Yeah  Andrew," I finally mumbled bitterly. "Use your last words to tell me not to worry and tell Young that I fancy him! That's you, Andrew....always you...." I trailed off, earlier all day I had kept an eye on Young, he seemed to be falling apart just as I was. When he retreated into the shower, I laid out fresh BDU's for him. Finally I moved from the computer...Young hadn't seen it. Slowly I whipped my eyes of tears and walked to wait outside the bathroom. Crossing my arms I waited, calming my breath until he stumbled out and stared at me angrily. 

"IF YOU HADN'T CRASHED, DUKE WOULD BE HERE RIGHT NOW!" A ice cold bolt shot through my heart and filled my body with concrete. How could he accuse me of such a thing....after I had just watched my close friend die about a hundred times over. As I stared into those living eyes and knew that his body was probably hacked up and scattered about the forest for animals to feed upon or explosions to devour.

I wanted to shout back to scream at him, punch him in the face and tell him what an asshole he was for putting such a heavy burden on me. Instead I just held back the rivers of tears and shot back my cold reply to the heartless pilot...I though he was my friend. 

"Andrew is dead... I didn't want this to happen. He was a damn good pilot and he didn't deserve the death that he got! Fuck, they won't even let us take off to get back at those damn chinks! They put his video on the internet, along with their progress! Hell, half the pilots here are too depressed or scared to do anything about it!" I swallowed more words, screams and all the flickering feeling rising within me. 

"Wait, wait, what video?!" He looked at me like a stupid, innocent child. How the hell didn't he know?! Hadn't he heard me screaming, shouting, crying out my guts in front of that damned computer monitor?! I shook my head and let out an exasperated shout. Throwing up my hands, I stalked away to the room that held evidence of my total breakdown. Blood stains on the walls matching the dried blood and cuts on my hands and knuckles, dents in the wall and bent parts of the chairs that I had chucked around the room. Young followed still unaware to the horrors that rested on the computer screen. 

As I played the video for the thousandth time I hung around at the back of the room, sobbing and breaking down completely. This time I could careless if Young saw me, I wasn't good with these kind of things and bottling up my emotions wasn't helping me one bit. I was on my knees, Fingers tightly gripping my skull as I cried and cried, just trying to get it all out at once. 

"Still...th..think that if...I...I hadn't crashed...Andrew would..be...here!" I said in between sobs and sniffles. I just wanted out of the room and away from Young, it may have been immature and very child-ish but I didn't care. Hugging myself, I stood weakly and walked out of the room. Moving down the hall I leaned on the wall and and bowed my head...I was broken and no matter how much I wanted to fight back and avenge Duke's death. I couldn't pull myself together, I was as spooked as the other pilots. Imagine that, Sidewinder Mojave spooked.How Pathetic....

The End

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