I stood in front of the mirror for a long time, wondering what had happened to the girl staring back at me. Her blonde hair was disheveled and tangled, and her usually bright violet eyes were lifeless. None of this felt real to me. Not when Adder had screamed in my face. Not when Demrin had held me to his chest.
Their responses had said a lot about how they'd felt. While Demrin had seemed a bit regretful, he'd been reassuring in his way. I knew he would love the child, and take care of it. I knew everything would be easier if he was the father. But Adder...the vampire was so violently protective. Fierce. Passionate.
I was alone right now, in the room Demrin and I had been sharing. I couldnt bear the thought of going out there, facing the pity and betrayal and fear in all their eyes.
"I've really gotten myself into a mess now, havent I, Everette?" I muttered, mostly to myself. Because he was dead. He couldnt hear me, and he certainly couldnt help me. In that way I was more alone than ever.
If only I could have remembered him more. Demrin had stolen all memories of my first lover, and only Adder's similarities to him had brought them flooding back. How could he have been so selfish? If he hadnt killed himself, perhaps I'd have still been with him. And then I wouldnt have been here, because I'd be a million miles away. I'd never have met Adder. I'd never have to be alone.
A knock at the door sent me spinning, jumping in startled surprise. "Come in," I called, because I just didnt have it in me to go and open the door myself. I reached quickly for a ruffled white tank top and pulled it on over my hot pink bra. Again, I just didnt care. In a matter of weeks my clothes would all stop fitting anyway.
I let out a gasp at the unexpected voice. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Adder standing nervously in the doorway.
"Hi, I said simply. I couldnt quite believe he was really there. I was sure he'd never want to talk to me again. "Come in. Close the door."
He did as I asked, coming over and standing beside me. I motioned to the bed, but the vampire made no movements towards it. He only stood and stared at me where I was, eyes perfectly emotionless as they took me in.
"Look, Calla," he started, but then only looked away. A sigh fell from his lips. 'I shouldnt have reacted like I did. I know this is scary for you too. Whoever is the father, I will still feel protective over this child. Because I am protective over you. I am sorry."
It was the sweetest thing he'd ever said. More meaningful than the first time he'd told me he loved me. "Oh, Adder!" I collapsed forwards into his arms, let him hold me there against his chest. He stroked my hair and whispered words I didnt quite make out. And everything was right.
"I wont lie," he said a few moments later, when I had stepped away from him. I cocked my head as a slight smile came over his lips. "I do almost hope it's mine."
I smiled too, at that. "So do I," I said truthfully. The words surprised both of us; I watched as Adder's brows shot up and felt the pounding in my own chest as well. Because I was starting to realize that for as much as I loved Demrin, as I had always loved Demrin, there would never be as much passion as there had been with Adder.
I reached out to take his hand, felt his fingers lock in my own. "I'm going to get fat, arent I?" I asked of him, making a bit of a pouting face.
"You will be beautiful," he murmured. I knew that he meant it. Adder leaned in to kiss my forehead, giving my hand a tight squeeze. "And happy. I think this baby might be exactly what you've been waiting for."
I didnt know if he was right or not, or if I would wake up tomorrow in his bed or Demrin's. I didnt know who was the father of my child. But I knew that eventually everything would turn itself to gold. It would work out, because it always did.