I decided to allow Violet one day, one day to come clean and then I would perhaps contemplate forgiving her, I then sighed, she was obviously over me and I just had to get over that. Walking back into my house I decided to lock myself in my bedroom, I picked up my ipod and found the loudest song; I popped in on repeat and turned the volume up as loud as it would go. I shoved the earphones in my ears and pressed play, the music blasted into my head and began to hurt my ears; I preferred this pain. I lay there all night in agony in a pain so great it allowed me to forget my other troubles, for now. In the morning I opened my eyes from an uneasy sleep, I took out the earphones and put my ipod on charge, I then went downstairs. Mum saw me and gave me a sympathetic look, she began to speak but I could only see her lips move,
“Mum?” I said, she continued to make no noise, I had been temporarily deafened, “Can’t hear you, sorry,” I said taking some bread and eating it by itself, I had no time for tediousness. After breakfast I went back to my room and took a shower, after that my hearing had returned to me slightly and I sat at my computer waiting – or rather hoping - for an instant message from Violet, my phone sat on my desk. I sat there for three hours, just staring at the screen, I then decided it was pointless and went outside. The thunder storm from last night, which I hadn’t heard due to my music, had brought a fresh humidity to the air; summer was on its way. I had today, before I went back to school; I sat in the garden and watched the birds, concentrating on how they interacted with each other. Anything to stop me thinking of her.
I then went back up to bed and fell asleep, my first decent sleep since Jade had left me. Morning brought dread as I dressed for school and got my books,
“Have a nice day Zack, chin up,” mum smiled kindly as I went. I caught the bus, not talking to anyone, I went straight to my form room and sat at the back with a magazine to deter people form coming and talking to me. I then had maths where I worked on formulas all lesson, I headed to English and stopped in the doorway as I remembered Jade shared my class, she was good at English and had been moved up two years. I knew I had to share a desk with her and groaned as I walked in, I sat next to her but didn’t look at her.
“Have a nice time with your girlfriend?” Jade asked once the teacher had set us a task, I turned to her and noticed her cheeks were looking strangely puffy and her eyes slightly bloodshot. Perhaps she’d broken up with Jake; I smiled at the thought,
“I dumped her.” I said flatly, I had to let her know I was free again – which I was.
“That’s too bad,” she said kindly,
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked, usually we worked on homework together on a Monday night.
“I’ve got a call scheduled with Jake,” she said looking at her hand; I glanced down and saw a beautiful green jewel on a ring on her fourth finger.
“Hang on.” I said, “What is that?” I asked slowly, “You’re not are you? To him?!”
“What are you saying?” she asked smiling. I couldn’t control myself; I stood up suddenly and slammed my hand on the desk,
“Do those four years together mean nothing to you? Nothing!” I shouted slamming my fist onto the desk again, it cracked under the pressure. No one stopped me as I headed out the class, they were all awestruck by my sudden temper, I raced out of the school grounds and collapsed into a ditch. I began to pound the ground, harder, harder; I ripped out the grass from around me and threw it with as much force as I could. I began to cry and I reached out a pulled at a barbed wire fence lining the ditch, cutting my hand I didn’t care, I preferred this pain so much more. She was only 16, she was too young!
I scrambled out the ditch wiping my bloody hands on the grass; I wiped my eyes and climbed the barbed wire fence ripping my shorts. I had to get away, from here, from everyone. I began to run in the only direction I knew which would take me away from civilisation, I ran for hours, stopping between walking and running. Soon I was in the bush, only snakes, spiders and kangaroos to keep me company now. I fell down in anguish, leaning against a big pillar which I soon realised was an anthill, I let the fire ants crawl over me. I was hopeless. I watched a red ant crawl on my leg, suddenly it bit me, a wave of pain seared my body, then another. The bites began to burn as the ants climbed under my T-shirt, I saw a snake slither along, I froze. Reality came whooshing back to me, what was I doing? I jumped up and began to stamp around trying to get the darned ants off me, I took off my T-shirt and shook it, I then looked around and undid my shorts and shoes. I shook my hair and ran away from the anthill; I put my clothes back on and rubbed the bites to try and stop them stinging. What I had just been doing was far from my usual self and I now knew that, I had tried to convert pain into other forms, just like someone depressed and now I felt unsafe because I wasn’t in my right mind.
I shivered and looked around, it felt like I was right in the centre of the Australian Bush, I had no phone, no one knew where I was. I was dead meat.