I woke up with a tear stained face. I felt unable; I was lying on my side. The sun was already up, my blue curtains struggling to keep it out of my room. And failing. The memories of the previous night were seared into my mind.The pain of seeing what I had seen.
I wanted to pray that I was doing everything right, but praying had never really been my thing. Seeing Ryder kissing Lexi had completely shattered my entire world. Everything I had known, counted on. I'd been so sure I could could count on Ryder to be there. He'd seemed so perfect.
But perfection was deceiving, as I had learned. Outside, an entire world was going on, a million people who cared way more than I did. I was contented to stay right where I was. To pretend.
Music had always been the only thing I had. Then Ryder had come into my life, and everything had been so..right. I'd given my songs to him, my very heart. And he'd so carelessly thrown it away.
My phone was ringing again from where I'd left it across the room. There wasnt single person I wanted to talk to just then. No one could change the way I felt inside. Ryder must have called a million times that nigh. I couldnt find the strength in my voice to call him back and say that everything was bad without him. I was lost again.
I decided the only thing to do was to stay in bed. With that final scene, the way he'd moved his body against Lexi's slender frame, he'd taken too much. I couldnt even sleep.
Hours slipped away. Or maybe not. Maybe it was only agonizing minutes dragging by. For reasons I couldnt explain, I was making it a goal not to be a part of the world. I wanted to believe there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for what had happened. For why Ryder had crushed her to him and kissed her right before my eyes.
In desperate times, the mind does desperate things. I pushed myself off the bed and crossed to where my phone rested. The silence was devouring as I scrolled through my contacts. Ring. Then a voice came over the receiver.
"Anthony," I breathed. Something about his familiar voice was so, so welcoming.
"Dinah, is everything okay?" He sounded astounded that it was really me on the line.
"Yes," I said, then reconsidered. "No, not really. I'm taking a trip."
There was a long moment of hesitation. "To your beach house?"I gave him the answer. My parent's home in Florida was exactly what I needed. When the world became too hard, it was an escape. A place to breathe and let the world sort itself out.
"Be careful," he said then, because there was nothing else to say. I promised him I would, hung up the phone, and started to pack.