When Dinah and I parted, we just stared into each other’s eyes, lost in the moment that was meant to last forever. All the words that need to be spoken, wrapped around us in a silent understanding. Soft fingers stroked my cheek as my arms curled around her waist, keeping her warmth pressed against my chest. We were two lovers that had been apart for what seemed like eternity, our hearts broken by the tiniest faults. Now the world had begun spinning again and our hearts stitched themselves back together by the mere presence of the other.
“Dinah…” I whispered pulling her farther into the apartment. The place was relatively homey, with a Television, couch, kitchen, bedroom, and an assortment of other objects from my past. Lights riffs of music drifted from a stereo system as if to lighten the already passionate mood. Carefully, I laid my back on the couches soft cushions, brining Dinah with me. She lay on my stomach he head resting at the base of neck. A soft drumming of our hearts intermingled with the soft breaths that left our lips, fanning warm air on each other’s skin.
“Dinah,” I repeated her name lovingly, lacing my fingers together over the small of her back. “I love you.” Electricity jolted through my body and sparks danced in my eyes as she pressed those velvet lips against mine. The kiss was passionate and tender, showing each other what our bodies, hearts, and minds had always said. She was meant to be with me, I was meant to be with her…no denying it whatsoever.
Pressing our tongues into each other’s mouths, I groaned and shifted under her, my breaths coming in pants and moans. There were so many things I wanted to say, to do in that moment. Her hands danced over my shoulders and up my neck, her fingers running through my black hair and pushing it from my eyes.
A wicked smile stretched teasingly across her lips as she continued to kiss and shift. Everything was perfect, moving my hands from her back they began to tug at her tight jeans, trying to discover the zipper and remove the restrictive clothing. Giggling, she broke her lips from mine and leaned back, her hands pressed against my shoulders.
Then thoughts and images flashed into my mind, painful, horrifying memories. I shut my eyes and sat up hugging her close, tears dripped down my face as I realized that our moment of passion was ruined. She seemed worried and frozen with confusion.
“Ryder,” her quiet, sweet voice said. The silky skin of her fingers brushing the black strands of hair from my eyes. “What…Did I do something wrong?” I shook my head. No, god no. I wanted that moment and everything that was supposed to follow more than she could have ever known.
But before we striped down to our barest forms and rocked the night away she needed to know. Everything, my past, my pains. I knew some of hers yet she knew nothing of me, the acts that had scarred my body and my mind. Kissing her cheek, I nuzzled against her neck and whispered into her ear.
“Dinah…you need to know…about me, my past. Why…” My breath hitched and I chocked back a cry. The room around us was dark and the stereo had fallen silent…only the dulled ambience of the city played through the apartment walls. Taking a few shaky breaths, my arms tightened around her, I couldn’t let her leave, and I never wanted her to leave.
“Why…I’m always so…cautious…wary of others. My family, they…they were very Christian people or so I thought. When I was born they say my multi-colored eyes as a blessing from the heavens. But…as I grew older they saw me as a curse. That they never wanted a child, that I was a burden. From my early teens my mother and father sexually abused me, acting out fantasies with me. Then forcing me to watch whatever they did to each other. They claimed they were servants of God trying to pull the devil from within me, I knew better.”
I shivered and whimpered; never had these memories passed my lips before it was too painful. Each letter, syllable, and sentence tearing down all the walls I had worked years to build.
“I then ran away to a university but my looks and shy demeanor followed me. The girls there, often hot girls from sororities would become my friends, using me for small things. Building up to that party night when they could get a quick fuck from the freak.” I gritted my teeth and breathed hard, wondering if I could even continue.
[Count Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums - A Perfect Circle]