I lay on the bed in the sickbay and looked around me shivering. They were everywhere! Everywhere I looked I saw them, staring at me, accusing faces, it was my fault, my fault, all my fault......
Sarah and Kian stood at the end of the bed, motionless, just staring.
It wasn't my fault, it was bad intel. It was nobody on the team's fault. We were just following orders.
I closed my eyes and drifted into a sleep where shadow stalked my every move. I felt like I was falling and then suddenly they were all around me, pulling me down, dragging me into a black abyss. A loud siren seemed to fill my ears and I closed my eyes and thrashed my arms and legs as I screamed. "NOOOO! Don't touch me, get away from me it's not my fault. NOT MY FAULT!!"
I opened my eyes and suddenly I was back in the sickbay with three doctors restraining me as they tried to keep me from ripping the tubes out of my arms. I realised the siren was coming from the heart monitor and I saw that my heart rate had gone up way above what it should have been. I was hyperventilating and someone was screaming before I realised it was me. It took another two doctors to hold me down while they replaced my saline drip with morphine. I struggled and fought as the drug slowly seeped into my body and numbed me from head to toe. I felt sleepy then and I slowly gave up and sank into black oblivion where my nightmares and old comrades waited for me.
I don't know how long it was before I woke up to find Dani and Foster sitting beside my bed. "Don't touch them." I whimpered as my ghosts crowded around them, all staring at me. "Don't touch them, leave them alone!" Foster put a hand on my arm and I flinched. "Don't... just leave me, go.. Go before they get into your head too." I whispered. "Crow they're not real."
"They're not real?!! NOT REAL?!" I shouted. "NOT REAL NOT REAL NOT REAL. NO NO NO. THEN WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?!" I started shaking uncontrollably and suddenly I heard Dani's voice. "Steve, stop doing this to yourself please! You're letting them get in on you. You're letting them win."
"I can't stop them." I sobbed, squeezing my eyes shut. "I can't do it, I cant make them leave. They just stand there and don't speak."
I felt her take my hand between both of hers but I kept my eyes closed. "You have to put them to rest Crow. You have to let them go. Stop holding on." her voice was soothing and I felt sleepy again as her word reverberated through my head. I dozed off again as the nurse came in and administered more medication in my drip and I dreamt of fire and burning and chaos.... Screams...
But I still felt someone holding my hand, and I held on tight, that hand was my lifeline, my sanity. And I tried to find a light in the direction it was pulling me but instead I found darkness, and a peaceful sleep.
When I woke I felt better, the ghosts were gone and I smiled.... Until I saw a doctor I'd never seen before walking around the room. There was something about him that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up as he picked up an injection off the tray and walked towards me.
Quite naturally I freaked out.