I couldn't help but smile when I saw Drake sitting on his hands. In fact, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. I thought it was hilarious.
Foster looked like he didn't like Drake that much yet. I couldn't blame him. I still didn't trust him.
My eyes somehow ended up on Beth. I stared at her, imagining us walking down the aisle together. I'm such a dreamer. I thought to myself.
I turned my body so I could see Crow. So he didn't do it. I thought, Well, I knew he hadn't right?
My eyes shifted back to Beth, "Crow needs another talk." I whispered to her.
Beth sighed, "Jagan, please. You know it can only end badly. You don't have an AK-47 to threaten him with!"
I shook my head, "Trust me." I kissed her gently on the head, and curled her hair around my finger, "I know what I'm doing."
Beth put her hand on my cheek, "I love you. And I do trust you, I just..." she looked around, then pulled me over to a more private place, "I just don't know about Steve anymore. I don't know if I can...don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know if I can trust him anymore."
I rested my hand on her shoulder, "Beth."
I looked over my shoulder, my eyes resting on Crow. I turned back to her and said, "Don't worry about him. Just trust me."
Bethany nodded slowly.
I turned around and marched up to Crow, "Gun." I said, holding out my hand.
Crow hesitantly handed me the gun, "What's this about?"
"Come with me." I said, motioning to the truck.
Steve rolled his eyes, I imagine, but I didn't actually see him.
I got in the truck and waited for him to get on the other side.
He looked at me when he closed the door, "What?"
I stared into his cold eyes. Those eyes, the eyes that sneakily peeked at their prey, the eyes that had been used to kill so many men, the eyes that never seemed to have a purpose other than to kill.
I lifted his gun and shifted my eyes to it. Then back to him.
He repeated his question, "What?"
I swung the barrel of the gun into Crow's nose, pretty hard. Steve yelped, "OH!" he grabbed his nose with both hands and leaned over. He grabbed my shirt and pulled me in close, "What the h*ll was that for?!"
I pushed his hands away, "For being so heartless!"
"What?!" Steve yelled angrily, "Don't tell me you're going to try to 'talk' to me again!"
"I am. And you are going to listen."
"Actually, no. I'm going to-"
In a flash I slammed the barrel of the gun into his nose, sending his head back against the window. He grabbed his nose in anger, "Stop doing that!"
"Then listen to me!"
"Jagan! We can 'talk' later!" Crow turned his head.
I swung the gun towards him again, but he caught it, "No." he said, with a very serious look on his face.
I smiled and threw my fist in between his eyes. His head slammed into the back of the chair. He was silent, understanding I wasn't going to let him leave, "Talk."
My smile vanished, "Do you love your sister?"
Crow's facial expression changed to a more perplexed one, "Of course I do."
"Yes!" he said loudly in a frustrated tone.
"Crow, why are you so tense and angry all the time?"
Crow looked at me, "Thats-"
"None of my business I know. I'm just talking, you're supposed to shut up."
Crow looked back at the ceiling, "Talk."
"If your sister was killed, would you stay sane? Or would you go off the deep end and lose everything?"
Steve's head turned and looked at me, "Stop."
"No." I said, "One more question."
"Do you miss them?"
"The ones you loved."
"You loved them, and now they're gone. Some were friends, others were family. They meant so much to you and now are gone. And the worst part is, the only time you see them is in your nightmares. When they claw at you and tell you it's your fault. Do you miss them? Or do you wish you never loved them so this nightmare would stop?" I said the last sentence breathlessly. Crow just stared at me in horror, "You think your life is a nightmare, but you're wrong! You have people who love you, and care about you. But still, you act crazy and brutal! Dani is in love with you! Yet, she's afraid of you! You want to hold her, but at the same time you want to hold the bodies of your enemies and crush them. Dani does not want to be held in the same arms that crushed those people. And Beth! Beth loves you and wants to be able to trust you, but she can't now! You act so crazy and brutal that she wasn't sure if you killed someone or not!"
Crow's eyes were filling with tears, and I expected him to hit me, but he didn't. He just sat there, almost shivering.
"The whole team cares about you, yet, it doesn't matter to you, all that matters to you is that your enemy is crushed. Because you have so much anger inside of you, you feel like you have to take it out on something! So you take it out on your enemies! BUT LOOK AT YOUR LIFE NOW! Every time you kill someone, your anger boils to the point where it feels cold. You keep using your anger to kill people, and it's time that you had a change of heart."
Steve's teary eyes were beginning to turn very red. Steve took a deep breath.
There was silence for a moment. I didn't want to say the last part, but...I knew it was necessary. I shivered as the words started to leave my mouth.
"Don't you understand Steve?! The ghosts that you see at night, you think are the ones you love. But they're not! They're not! They are the people you kill everyday, and they come back to haunt you. The thousands of men you have killed all come to your bed at night and moan and groan at you, you have flashbacks of their cries for mercy, their shrieks of terror. But you imagine them as someone you love, to hide the guilt so you can keep slaughtering!"
I opened the door of the truck and got out. I slammed it shut and started walking back towards Bethany, who, not to my knowledge, had been listening the entire time.
I had a feeling she'd be angry at me.
Beth ran at me. She looked sad, or was it anger? I couldn't tell yet.
She ran into my arms and began to cry, so I knew it was sadness. I held her tightly, and glanced back at Crow, who saw me holding Beth, and began to sob. Not like a manly cry, that guy was sobbing his eyes out.
I led Beth back inside, thinking Crow would be done crying soon. I thought he'd come back in and enter the room, not changed at all. The talk will have meant nothing to him.
Boy was I wrong.