Those eyes that looked back at me with such scorn and hatred were not the same eyes that I’d dreamt of looking into for so many sleepless nights. I’d regretted ending things the way I did – the way I hurt him like I had – and there was no denying that I wanted him back in my life, despite the wishes of Leticia or anyone else who had a problem with me experiencing the smallest piece of happiness in my life.
When I was at that counter of that coffee shop and caught a glance of him out the window walking by, something inside of me sparked and I knew that I had to follow him. I had to confess everything; I had to tell him I loved him. Even despite the bitter start outside, I needed to tell him. I’d built up all the encourage I could possibly hold to follow him into the medical centre, of which I’d not known I was entering at the time, and was ready to humiliate myself in front of everyone in that waiting as I poured my heart out to him, begging for his forgiveness and a second chance. The minute I saw him sat next to that woman… when I saw him kiss her the way he used to kiss me… my heart literally shattered into a million tiny shards. Words were impossible to summon, let alone speak, and all I wanted to do was run.
But that would only make him feel smug, I assumed, considering the new Milo I’d witnessed before me. He didn’t care about me anymore, not even the slightest bit, but I couldn’t let it show that it was slowly killing me to watch him love her the way that he’d loved me. Instead of fleeing, I walked by and pretended to flick through leaflets in a stand by the desk. Without looking closely, I grabbed hold of one and made my way towards the exit; at least this way it wouldn’t look as though I’d purposely followed him and that I’d had a purpose in coming into the building after him.
I forced myself to look straight ahead as I left, not wanting to cause myself unnecessary pain by glancing in their direction again; I could only take so much heartache in one day. Once my heels hit the concrete pavement outside, I fled. I ran as fast as I could away from that horrible moment, tears escaping my eyes though I tried my hardest not to fall into his trap.
I reached the corner of Sycamore and Boxer Street and came to a halt as the mere recognition of my destination hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t take it anymore. I cried out in pain as tears balled from my eyes. I must have looked a sight to passer bys but I really couldn’t give a damn about anyone else other than me and my poorly, aching heart. I supported myself against the side of the off licence, resting my head against the hard brick wall. Clutching tightly in my hard still was the leaflet I’d taken from the medical centre. I examined it properly for the first time: a big mistake. On the cover was a couple – a man and a woman – smiling happily as they both marvelled at the woman’s swollen stomach, relishing in her pregnancy glow, awaiting the arrival of their newest and dearest, tiny new addition. They both looked so happy and in love.
Why couldn’t that be me?
In anger, I grabbed hold of the leaflet with both hands and pulled at it endlessly, tearing it in shreds and destroying the happiness that the fake couple exuded. When there was nothing left the shred, I loosened my grip and watched the couple drift away into the wind. The effects weren’t as greater as I’d have hoped, but there was no denying that I felt better. Calming my breathing and wiping away my tears, I sighed loudly. I couldn’t let this affect me this much. I wouldn’t let this affect me this much. The Sophia before Milo would never have reacted the way the Sophia now had just done. She would have gotten over it and gotten on with her life. Work would become number one and she would soon forget about everything that had just happened and move on. But I wasn’t sure if I could do it this time. With a shaking hand, I placed my palm firmly on my flat stomach and sighed again deeply.
No, it would be a lot harder to get over this one.