Me, sitting on the settee watching Criminal Mind: Phone!
Friend, also sitting on the settee trying to watch Criminal Minds: Gunna answer it then?
Me: Nah, Matt can.
Friend: *sigh* he went to football an hour ago.
Me: *Feeling like a plonker* Oh. Better get it then.
Me: Hello, who is it?
Person on phone: 'ello luv, this is Gary from Capital One speaking -
Me: *Loosing intrest*
Gary from Capital One: Is there a, um, Ms Daniels there?
G.f.C.O.: Oh. Ur, do you, er, know when she's er, in?
Friend: Who is it?
Me: *shrugs shoulders and covers mouth piece* My best friends at Capital One.
G.f.C.O.: *muffled under hand* Are y' sure?
Me: Yes. *Wanders over to the settee arm to watch the profilists catch the bad guy*
G.f.C.O.: Do y', er, know when she's back?
Me: Nope. *gasp and yells at TV* No! Don't get in the car, that's the murderer. No! I said don't get in the car...but what do you do? You get in the car! Brilliant!
Friend: If only they listened.
Me: This programme is so staged.
Friend: I wonder why...
G.f.C.O.: Hello? Hello! Hell-oooooo... Anyone there? Hello? He-he-hello.
Friend: *points to phone with smirk*
G.f.C.O.: Could y' tell Ms Daniels I rang?
Me: Who is this?
Me: Gary who? I don't know any Garys.
G.f.C.O.: *stammer* I'm, er, from, um, Capital, *voice breaks* One.
Me: Oh! Gary from Capital One! Why didn't you say so?
Gary from Capital One: I, er, did. *cough* Could you tell Ms Daniels that I rang.
Me: U-huh. Regarding what?
G.f.C.O.: Her new card. *sigh* Right, g' bye luv. Pleasure talking to you.
Me: Bye Gary! *turns to TV* I did warn you not to get in the car, didn't I? Now look at you, all cut up and being fed to goats. Shoulda listened.
Friend: I worry about you.