(Note: Words in italics are my thoughts)
Caller: Hey there, naughty girl!
Me: Oh bloody hell... Hey Alice. It's you ... again.
Alice: That's right! Now, we need to talk boys...
Alice: Oh come on, the whole school knows! That guy at the disco, the one you were dancing with! He practically threw himself at you!
Me: By "threw himself" you mean you knocked him into me.
Alice: And he was trying to impress you with that cute hopping dance move...
Me: I stepped on his foot.
Alice: What about when you guys were talking in the corner?
Me: He was asking me where the bathroom was.
Alice: *suggestively* What about when you were leaning together...
Me: His glasses were caught in his hair.
Alice. What about when you were hugging each other?
Me: He was having an asthma attack! It was all I could do to hold him up!
Alice: Come off it, I know you two got off! I'll bet you two snuck off afterwards and had a big kissy session.
Me: Why is it always me people have to make up these rumours about? No. Just... no.
Alice: Naughty naughty girl...
Me: Look, can we move away from this topic?
Alice: Oh dear, what would your mother say?
Me: *getting peeved now* Alice...
Alice: Ooh, what if you go further? You'd look so cute in a wedding dress.
Me ... Oh no she didn't .... Oh no she didn't ....
Alice: Hello? Are you there?
Me: That does it.... where did I put that hockey stick?