*Ring, Ring*

A phone rings. You pick it up. What is the conversation about? Is it a murderer, concealed in the darkness in front of your house, calling to tease you before he enters your home and murders you? Or is it just Beverly from Argos calling to warn you that the wardrobe you ordered with the bronze handles and the oak glaze may ACTUALLY come with gold handles and a mahogany tint?

Will you answer the call?

*Ring, Ring* *Ring, Ring*

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hello sir, this is Sanjay calling from Executive Telecommunications Systems and Functions and Fishmongers, do you have a minute?

Me: Well, no, actually, my wife is just going into lab-

Sanjay: Good, are you happy with the service you are currently receiving from your network at this current and present time?

Me: Yes, yes, very happy - now, I really must go... *screams of agony from background*

Sanjay: okay sir, but are you aware that if you sign up with Executive Telecommunications Systems and Functions and Fishmongers you can receive four free minutes, 26 free texts and a free haddock for just £23 per calendar month?

Me: No thank you, i'm not interested -

Sanjay: But sir, this is a good offer and I think you would be a fool to ignore it.

Me: I really have to go -

Sanjay: the haddock is freshly caught last month in my uncles pond, has been kept heavily sedated at my mothers fishtank with a squid and a rainbow fish.

Me: the haddock isn't dead yet?

Sanjay: you are now interested in haddock?

Me: no, i'm just wondering why the haddock isn't dead yet.

Sanjay: why would you kill haddock?

Me: well... I expected you to *screams of agony* hang on, dear. I expected it to be a dead haddock.

Sanjay: no sir, the haddock is not dead. Now can I put you down for the 58 month contract or the 123 month contract.

Me: no, i'm not interested, now, i have to go -

Sanjay: Sir I can give you a discount if you bring your own bag to pick up the haddock with.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

 

The End

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