Just the wrong momentMature

When I would walk around in town I would always walk by two people conversing at just the wrong moment. In fact, it seemed I had a talent for it. So it didn't really surprise me when I happened across the following situation: A man was holding a sword underneath the chin of another man who was pointing a gun at a sleeping girl.

Weird. I didn't really care one way or the other... my sense of morality left me the moment my real arms left me. So I walked up behind the guy with the ninja sword and tapped him on the shoulder, saying the only thing that seemed to fit the situation. "Umm did I miss something?" Both men spun around, weapons at the ready, but I held up my hands in a gesture of... well not surrender exactly... it was more of a "I'm going to hold off of beating you up for the time being." They looked at me, I looked at them. It was actually the best moment of the day. Or week. Or... whatever. Why was ths such an uplifting situation? Well it was simple. The two men looking at me didn't look at me with horror or revulsion. They looked at me like I was a threat. Meaning I was normal. Cool.

I took a step back, and since no one had said anything I continued "I hope I'm not interrupting anything... you guys just looked so cute standing there about to kill each other." Both men started to glare. They disengaged themselves from each other and then with some tacit consent they both rushed me. I don;t know why... I mean I try to be such a friendly charming guy. Was it something I said?

I didn't want to kill these guys. I respected them like they respected me. So I settled for just punching their lights out. Again not normal because didn't actually get to the point of punching them. Before I could connect I felt a bite on my leg. It didn't hurt a lot it was just more of a surprise. I half turned to look behind me and in doing so my punches went wide. I blinked. I was looking at a black cat. Then just as suddenly I was looking at a fist. Then I wasn't looking at anything. I stumbled back, blinking and shaking my head. I looked up in time to see the blade of the katana coming towards me. I grabbed it and magically it stopped moving forward. No wait that was just my awesome strength. Ha.

The man who was about to shoot the girl raised his pistol at me, and I could sense by the way he was looking at me that he wouldn't hesitate to kill me like he did with the girl. I switched into intimidation mode and ripped the sword from it's wielder's hand. I quickly reversed it and hit it's owner in the gut with the hilt. Then I turned as the bark of the pistol being fired reached my ears. Time seemed to slow. I had to be precise. If I wasn't... I would have an unhealthy dose of bullet in me. Bullets just don't seem to agree with my digestive system. Or my circulatory system. Or any of my other systems. I spun around bringing the blade down in one of the hardest swings I could muster.

I waited. I didn't feel a bullet in my chest. I guess I had been successful. I looked down at my feet and sighed. I was staring at the bullet which I had just cut in half. I dropped the sword, and raised my hands again. "Maybe we should talk first and shoot later? That way we can actually get to the talking part." The man with the gun smiled a tiny bit, the man without his sword was scowling. Maybe it was something about being beaten by a teenager. Maybe it was that his shoes were too small, or his head wasn't screwed on just right. Or maybe it was that his heart was two sizes too small.

I'm going with all of the above.

The End

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